I know that you are going to be shocked.

I know that you are going to shake your head.

Your thinking to yourself: Is she really going to talk about the ‘M” word?

Yep.

I am.

It is an alien conversation for this blog but one that has been in my cute little brain for awhile.

And these days I have lots of folks calling me and emailing me asking me about the ‘M’ word.  They are asking me how I do it.  It’s totally nuts.

And why the hell would I be talking about the ‘M’ word rather than chatting about the holidays and the things that folks bash their heads into during this time of year!

It’s crazy…I know!!!

But crazy or not…here it goes….

The ‘M’ word.

marketing.

NO!  Don’t leave.  Really.  This will be funny.  And I hope interesting.  And it will be helpful.  I promise.

In the last year and a half my cute little business has expanded in a big way…lots of opportunities are showing up.  Lots of new clients.  Lots of returning clients.  Lots of cool things.  Lots of exciting things.  Lots.  So much has expanded that I just ordered a brand new leather calendar/organizer.  I have been using the same one for the last 7 years and it worked just great.  Until last year…I couldn’t fit all that I needed to on the lines of each day.  I was literally busting out of my calendar.

I just bought a gorgous purple leather organizer with lovely Iris’s on the cover.  It arrived yesterday.  It’s perfect.  Lots of room to write down all of the things that need a place in my days.

Oh right…this is about the ‘M’ word…not the pretty paraphenilia that comes with having your own business. Ok.  Fine.

It seems that some folks are waiting for me to tell them that this has been a cake walk.  Just show up to the fair.  Some one else will have magically made all of the cakes and all ya gotta do is walk around the circle….and some one will magically call your name and give you a beautiful cake.  Law of attraction.  Right?  If you want it and can imagine it…it will come.  Right?

Well, not.

Law of attraction is at work for sure.  But, there is this piece that folks forget about that allows the law of attraction to take hold and fly.  You gotta bake the cakes for the cake walk.  These last handfuls of years…I have been cake baking.  Some cakes turned out beautiful but tasted horrible.  Some cakes looked awful, but tasted delicious.  And some cakes turned out just right.  Oh…and some cake flavors were in vogue and now no one will eat them.  I have to continually change up the kinds of cakes that I am making.  Sometimes this part can feel really overwhelming….sometimes it can feel really creative…just depends on the day and my mood and how sleep I got the night before

The other thing that had a huge affect on my business…was having my uterus removed.  Nothing like being out of constant excruciating pain to free up your energy! So if you have been thinking of having organs removed that could be a great step!

I have a friend that got a breast reduction and after that…her business really started kickin into gear.  Was it her smaller boobs?  No more back pain?  Who knows…she just felt more in the grove.  More comfy in her own skin.

Oh…and don’t knock cleaning out clutter.  I cleaned out our hall closet a couple of weeks ago and attracted two new clients that week.

Okay.  I know that this is not your traditional chat about marketing…but, I am not a traditional gal.  In summary…here is my marketing recipe:  bake a lot of cakes, have surgery…and clean out your clutter!

Any questions?

Winter is here…a few weeks early.  It is snowing…and gorgeous…and fer-eezing!!!!  You see, I am originally from California so, when it snows I feel like a big kid.  I run around the house, clapping my hands and singing “let it snow~ let it snow~ let it snow!!! ” I just can’t help myself.

This morning I sang my song holding my cup of coffee and looking out of every window in the house allowing optimal viewing from all directions.

I took a nice warm shower…singing more snow songs…hopped out and got dressed. Well, sorta.  I put on sweat pants and a warm shirt cuz I had to go to the mail box…I was planning to change back into my jammies as soon as I came back into the house

I went out to the mail box, happily looking about at the winter wonderland that surrounded me.  Humming another snow song under my breath.

By the time I got back into the house…my hair was frozen.

Okay.  Sure.  I went outside with it still wet from my shower.

Okay.  Sure.  It is 5 degrees outside and snowing.

But,  I didn’t think that this would freeze my hair.

As I entered the house and touched the stiff and crunchy texture of my hair…I had a wave of fear.  If I touch my hair will it shatter into a bunch of pieces?  Or does that only happen in the cartoons?  Can I blow dry it?  Or should I wait for it to thaw out? What would happen if I tried to brush it?

These are just a few of the freaky thoughts that went flying through my brain as I stood in the hallway.

And then my fella turned the corner and saw me standing there.

My fella: “Uh…are you okay?”

Me:  “No.  My hair froze when I went outside!”

My fella: “Well…you know you hair can shatter into a million pieces if your not careful!”

Me:  “Ohmygawd…are you frickin kidding me????”

My fella: “Nope”

and then he walked away.  I thought he was grinning but I couldn’t be sure.

So, I did what any sane adult would do…I followed him.

Me:  “You were kidding right?”

My fella:  “Hard to tell!”

I did what any sane adult would do…I googled it.  First I searched “frozen hair” and there were all of these pictures of folks with frozen hair.  Ha ha ha ha so funny.  Not.  Then I typed in “HARM from frozen hair.”  I capitalized HARM to show google that I meant business!  Well, obviously google didn’t give a shit cuz it just gave me more lists of goofy pictures…and then mention a poor hamster that got frozen and then moved into chemo and hair freeze from chemo.  Okay.  Not what I am wanting to know about!

I leaned back in my chair.

Took a deep breath.

Then brushed my fingers through my hair.

Somehow between my mini freak out, googling about my mini freak (to find proof that I had a right to be freaked out) and this moment…my hair had thawed.

It wasn’t frozen anymore.  It felt fine.

I ran into the bathroom to make sure.  Everything checked out.  I blew dry my hair and it looked really pretty.  It had a nice shine to it with lots of body.

Wow!  It looked great.

I might just have to freeze it again tomorrow

I moved closer to my fella. And laid my head down on his arms.  He laid his head down on my head.

Now, let’s have a group “ahhhhhhh how cute!”

Within a few seconds, my fella sniffed my hair.

My fella: “You smell like your chillow pillow!”

Me:  “Oh no! I smell like plastic?????”

My fella:  “Well, actually you smell like my pensy-pinky ball that I had when I was a kid!!!!”

Me: “Well, that’s not good.  What’s a pensy-pinky ball?”

Then my fella went off on some story about this rubber ball that he loved to play with when he was a kid.  He compared it to some other balls and found the pensy-pinky ball to be the best…blah blah blah…

I was hopin we were gonna….you know….

snuggle!

Guess not.

Stories about pink rubber balls just don’t put me in the mood…

I woke up this morning, poured myself a steaming hot cup of delicious coffee and sat down to my computer.

“I think it would be fun to post a joke on my blog today”  I thought~

So, I went perusing the internet.  First I looked up “hilarious spiritual jokes” found a couple funny ones.  But they were a bit too religious and since I am not in an offense mood…decided against it~  Then I looked up “hilarious jokes”  and started to look around.

“Dirty jokes”

nope.

“Penis jokes”…really?  At 7:00 am????

Nope.

“Dirty Penis jokes”…hmmmm I think I might be at the wrong website!

At this point I happened to look at the column on the right.  There was a woman licking what I am guessing was a dildo.  There were also pictures of women sticking their butts into the camera.  I kid you not.  7:00 in the morning and this is the site I landed on.

Guess the joke is on me!

More universal comic shenanigans

I am so relieved.

I was worried that it wouldn’t.

But, finally…it did!

At 2:35am this morning, I got my sense of funny back.  Remember I lost it here?

Here is what happened:  My youngest son had the brilliant idea of putting my pillow into the freezer so that it would be nice and cold for me to sleep on….hence…yes, hence…it would help ease my hot flashes. We tried this the other night…using two plastic grocery bags to cover the pillow up…we placed the pillow into the freezer for about an hour.  Took the plastic bags off of it…then I laid down.  Ahhhhhhhh nice, icy cold bliss!!! The problem with this brilliant idea is that the cold only lasted a little while and then I was back to shakin and bakin~

So, yesterday morning my son and I came up with the idea of putting the pillow in the freezer for the whole day.  Thinkin that the longer it was in there, the longer it would stay cold (I never did pass physics!).  I decided to use one of the kitchen garbage bags…to keep the pillow away from the freezer smell.

*What the hell is that smell anyway?  The freezer is clean…maybe the ice cubes?

Anyway, back to the story…we tucked the pillow into the big white bag and placed it into the freezer.

*Now, what we hadn’t thought of was that these particular garbage have this anti-smell smelly stuff on the inside of them.  I had picked up this product in a hurry and thought I was just getting ordinary non-stinky garbage bags.  Instead I picked up stinky…this product doesn’t want your garbage to smell…smelly bags.

Last night, we took the pillow out of the bag.  And I jumped into bed all happy to have this wonderful cold, fluffy pillow under my head.  Goal achieved!  Yay us!!!

For some reason…I didn’t notice anything funny about the pillow.

I woke up at 2:30 with my face itching and really really really hot.  I was no longer laying on my back but, was laying face down on the pillow.

I lay there for a moment wondering what the heck was going on.  Did I get bit by something?  Was it the new lotion I had been using for a couple of days?  Was I just having another hot flash.  Within seconds the answer came.  The bags.  The kitchen bags.  They had smelly stuff in them.  Oh NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

I jumped up and headed into the bathroom.

My face was covered in hives.

Hives.

As I looked at my bumpy, red itchy face I had this amazingly clear image:  Up in the ethers somewhere, there is this group of dead comics.  Looking for the funny.  Just hanging out planning hilarious little jokes on us folks hangin out in physical form.

This was a group of old dead women who loved physical humor.  You know the kind of humor: Some pretty woman is walking down the street trips on her high healed shoe, then knocks into this good looking guy, who then saves her from falling.  And as he helps her he loses his balance and steps in a big puddle…which splashes a old woman sitting on a bench waiting for a bus…

You get the picture…

Well, these old dead women were in the ethers…having a dandy giggle at my whole pillow extravaganza…as I stared at my face, the hives started going away and I started to giggle….then I started to laugh.

As I climbed back into bed…having removed the pillow case and putting a nice thick non smelly towel over the pillow…I thought about the old women…the universal comics…glad they are there playing and having fun.  Maybe when I die they will let me hang out with them.

Until then…thanks Universal Comics…you made my night!

Today I gotta go shoppin for a new pillow~  maybe they make special pillows for cold lovers!

Hi there Cutie Patuties!

Both of my boys are back home for a brief “Hey mom…howzitgoin?  Got anything good to eat?”

My oldest son has spent the last handful of weeks hangin out with his dad in Arizona while my youngest son has been riding his bike (yes…bike) around the deserts of Arizona….ALONE…on his BIKE….since February!

This has been an amazing time for him.  And sure, I get it…I am a gypsy too…but I am his mom and prone to  making really great stories up in my head about ways he could die in the desert alone on his bike!

So, weird as it sounds, I spent yesterday cleaning the house from top to bottom to prepare for their homecoming (like they would even care or even notice)…oh, and stocking the fridge and cupboards with all of their favorite foods (which they did notice!). While I was cleaning, I decided it was time to get rid of all of the cobwebs that like to hang out on the ceilings.  My office is in the front room of the house and my youngest was gonna be sleeping on the floor and I wanted to make it nice for him.

I tried to hold the vacuum cleaner up while reaching the cobwebs…but that was a bit of a struggle.  So, I brilliantly thought…”I know, I will put the vacuum on my office chair, then I can reach the high places much easier!!!!  Yay me!!!  I am so darned smart!!!”   Oh, I forgot to mention that my chair is fabric.

I rolled the chair around with the vacuum perched nicely on the seat, suckin up the cobwebs, thinkin how nice everything was looking.  When I was done, I lifted the vacuum off the chair.

Guess what happened?

Go ahead….give it a guess!

Yep…not only did the vacuum suck up all the cobwebs, it also sucked up my chair.

Now, I have a nice big ripped hole in my chair and the stuffing was even sucked up.  Wow.  Good vacuum cleaner!!!!

So now I have a beautifully cleaned house, stocked cupboards, no cobwebs and my chair looks like a chair that was bought from a really bad garage sale.

Ah well, at least I entertain myself

]]> http://lynnemorrell.com/2009/07/another-blonde-moment-brought-to-you-by-me/feed/ 9 http://lynnemorrell.com/2009/06/double-punch-sunday/ http://lynnemorrell.com/2009/06/double-punch-sunday/#comments Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:38:44 +0000 lynnemorrell http://lynnemorrell.com/blog/?p=255 Hey there cutie patuties

I decided mid weekend to stop taking the bioidenticals…Sunday morning I felt a little less IC pressure…this morning…none yet!  Wow!  What a difference a day makes!  I am going to give the herbal route a try and I will let you know how it goes.  But, for now I am basking in my ability to sit in my office chair with no pain or pressure.  Yay!!!!!!

So onward with Double Punch Sunday!

For those of you who work out, whether it is walking or yoga or the gym or running…whatever you do…folks tend to count how many days they work out a week.  Most folks try to get in 3 times a week and a really super duper good week is one where they work out 4-5 times.

My fella and I work out together.  We go to the gym, go on walks and sometimes (when I feel free from pressure) we have been riding our bikes.  We count the times a week we work out at the gym…we usually do 3-4 times a week.  If we are super energized we will go 5 times but, not too often.  I get sorta bored if I go to the gym to many times in a week.  Plus, I love walking and hiking and bike riding on the other days.

Recently we realized that we have been using Sundays as double punch days.  We count it twice

Since most Sundays we go to the gym we count it as a day for that week….and as a day for the week coming up.  Sundays are bogos!  Ain’t that swell?  So, last week I only went twice due to all of that  icky yucky pain…but, I had gone that Sunday…so really I went 3 times:)  Yay me!!!!  And on a week that I didn’t feel good

I rule!!!!

Ah, the various ways that we lie to ourselves!!!! Most of the ways I lie to myself aren’t that creative…I thought this was pretty creative though!  You can borrow it if you want

Speaking of ways that we lie to ourselves…Christine and I are focusing on this during our radio show today if you feel like joining our conversation.  It will be a fun and compassionate look at the ways we lie to ourselves and others.  If you aren’t doing anything around 2:00pm EST, Noon MT or 11:00 PST…come join us!

“Lying: What inspires us to lie? (Yes, we all do it!)”

www.blogtalkradio.com/embracingpolarities

If ya can’t make it, every show is archived so that you can listen in later~

*I have been told by my VA that I need to start talking about our radio show more…so, here ya go!

Have a fabulously active day!

My fella works with all of these kids…teachin them guitar.  He comes home with hilarious stories and sweet stories.  He also comes home with germs.  He might have a day now and then when he feels puny…but, that is about it.  He has a super duper strong immune system.

Not me.

Mine is still a bit…sensitive.

So when he brings these invisible guests to our home…they tend to gravitate to me.

Must be cuz I am cuter!

Anyway, I was sick with some kind of flu thing a few weeks ago.  Now I got another one.  Another one!  Headache, fever, sore throat, dizzy, tight chest (and not in a good way).  Bummer.

I have been doing all of these things to build up my immune system.  I think the next step is to cover myself in germ free plastic when I am around him.  No more kisses for him.  No more sharing glasses of juice.  No more holding hands.  No more tasting a bit of something on his plate. No more physical contact of any kind.

Not the most fun plan.

But I am at a loss of what to do.

Time for sterilization.

Maybe I can invent a sterilization machine that he steps into when he walks in the door.   When he exits the machine he would be free of bad germs. Super sci fi~

What else can we try?

I wonder if that hand sanitizer stuff can be drunk?

Maybe I need to become one of those people that use those handi wipe things on every surface of their homes constantly.  They carry hand sanitizer in their purses.  They won’t touch door handles.  And if someone sneezes near them, they find the closest bathroom and scrub themselves down.

Hmmmm….

Well, until we figure this out…I am going to be laying down with a big cup of tea, a blank-y and a good movie.

Signed:  Puny again in Loveland, CO

*I just love saying that I was “reading the New York Times”…makes me feel so…hmmmm… cosmopolitan and sophisticated.  Well, really it helps me forget that I moved to this strange little neighborhood where my next door neighbor thinks that tires are the new garden accessory and cars belong on lawns.

Anyway, back to the article that I was reading.

The writer was talking about having an iphone.  And concluded half way through the article, that he hated it.  His conclusion intrigued me so I read on. His article was funny and irreverant.  My favorite!  I have heard all about the iphone.  I have heard that it is the coolest phone ever.  I have heard friends describe all the snazzy features.  They talk about music downloads, how cool the screen is, how cool the apps are…it can do this, that and the other thing.

But, can it wash, fold and put away the laundry?  Can it clean the toilet?  Can it market my business? If it can…I might change my mind about getting one;)

You see…I have don’t have an iphone.

You see…I have never had any type of cell phone.

You see…I am a cell phone virgin.

I have made calls on my fella’s phone but, it feels awkward and I never get how to send the call or how to hang the damned thing up.  I don’t even get where to hold it so that I can hear the person on the other line!  it is all so….so….so…something.  I am still a total virgin.  Coping a feel does NOT count!

I kinda like that I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s some kind of latent rebellion on my part.  But, I am happy when I tell people that I don’t have a cell phone.  “What?” they say.  “You don’t have a cell phone?”  I explain that I work at home and that I don’t need one.  “Well, everyone needs one!”  they say.  Well, not me!

My friends are annoyed at me about this refusal to join the 21st century.

The other day, my friend said: “Why the hell don’t you get a cell phone Lynne!!!  Come on!  I need to get in touch with you sometimes when you are in your car!”

Me:  “Well, can’t you call me before I get into the car?”

Friend: “Well, I suppose.  But, if you had a cell we could have met a few minutes earlier!!!”

Me: “Oh.”

Recently, I was meeting another friend for a walk.  She was not sure if she was going to be late.  So, I told her that I would go do my errands and then call her on her cell phone.  She pointed out that I wouldn’t be able to call her cuz I don’t have a cell phone.  I smuggly told her that I would just find a pay phone.

A pay phone.

Easy.  Right?

Wrong.

Oh so wrong.

After running my errands, I looked outside of the stores.  I looked at gas stations.  I looked by the bus stops.  I even looked in a Starbucks.  *I needed a cup of coffee to keep my energy up to find a phone!!

No pay phones.

I found one phone booth…but there was no phone. It was empty.  You would think that they would take the whole thing…but, no.  Just an empty shell with a guys name and number who promised to show me a good time.  But, since there was no phone…and since I didn’t have a cell phone…I couldn’t have called it if I wanted too!

I headed to the place where we were going to meet.  SInce I didn’t call her…I wasn’t even sure if we were still going for a walk.  I looked up and saw a resturant.  Maybe they would have a phone.

Me:  “Hi!  Do you have a phone that I can use?”

Resturant Babe:  “No.  We don’t.”

Me:  “Who knew it was so hard to find a pay phone?”

Resturant Babe:  Looking at me like I was an idiot, “Is it a local call?”

Me:  “Yep, I need to call my friend to figure out where we are meeting.”

Resturant Babe:  “Here.  You can use my cell phone.”

Me: “Wow!  Thanks so much.”

She gets her purse…and she pulls out an iphone.

Yep. An iphone.

Now, I would have the chance to prove once again how much of an idiot she already knew that I was.

She hands it to me and walks away.

Uh.  I didn’t know how to turn the thing on.

I walk up to the area where she is laughing with a co-worker.   I assume that they were laughing at what an idiot I was!

Me:  “Uh, excuse me?  I don’t know how to use this.”  I hand the phone over to her.

Resturant Babe:  “Oh, no problem.”  Within a few seconds she had it on…did something with something.  Asked me what the number was.  Dialed it.  Handed it over to me.

I took the phone, saying “thanks so much” and put it to my ear.  I think I put it to my ear.  I couldn’t really tell.  I heard a light ringing.  At least I was close.

My friends answering maching came on.  She wouldn’t answer.  What was I thinking?  She didn’t recognize the phone number!  I left a message.

As I was driving home, I wondered if maybe I did need to get a cell phone.  An old fashion one, like my fella’s.  I could learn how to use that!  Then I would have a way to reach people when I was out and about.  And they could reach me.  And this wouldn’t happen again…

I pulled into my driveway.

Nah.

I don’t want to be reached 24/7.

I like having time in my car to enjoy the view and listen to tunes.

I don’t like when I see folks talking on their cell phones while they are driving over the white line.  Not even noticing that they almost smushed me in my cute little VW beetle.  I also don’t like when I am hanging out with a friend and they are on their cell phones.  Or texting.  Or checking messages.  ALways doing multiple things at once.

Nah.

It’s not for me.

At least right now.

The folks that built this house in the early 60′s seemed unaware that they were building on expansive soil.  They also seemed unaware that you need to use cement board when backing a shower or bath area.  Jump ahead a bunch of years and you have the mess that is our bathroom.  To remedy our little problem of cracking tile and a falling tile wall, my fella used some duct tape to hold everything in place.

Duct tape.

Ugly gray duct tape.

Well, of course that just wouldn’t due for me…cuz I like things to be perty…not ugly!  So, my fella took all that off and decided to use packing tape.  Ahhhhh that was way better.  So, for the last 2 years we have held up the bathroom tile walls with packing tape.  Which did not stop all the water from leaking behind the tape but, at least the walls didn’t fall on us.

Just as a side note.  Weird things grow were there is water damage…weird freaky things.

Jump ahead to a couple of weeks ago when the project went into full swing.  We decided to start with our bathroom cuz that seemed like the worst one.  As the tile and flooring were ripped out, we stared in horror at the damage.  No wonder I have had this weird cough that lasts for months at a time and then disappears.  The rot was extensive.  The mold was gross.  And the subfloor had to be completely replaced.

At this point the bathroom is just a shell…and it looks so much better than it did on a good day when it was just cleaned!  The fella that is doing this work is trying to figure out how to stop all the shifting of the house so the floor is off and we can see the dirt underneath.  Still looks better than it ever has.

I told him that it would not be ok with me to keep the floor open like that during the night…due to creepy crawly things, raccoons, and other freaky friends that I just know live under the house! So every evening, he closes it up nice and tight.

Until last night.

Last night he needed this big fan thingy to be drying under the house.  He found an area that has lots of moisture due to the recent snow…hmmmmmm wonder if that might be part of our problem???  Nahhhhhh!

Anyway, he seemed to think that this was an important finding (whatever) and so he wanted to dry it out.  Which meant that the fan thingy would be in our bathroom facing down under the house, towards to problem.  Which meant…the floor would need to stay partially open.

Partially open.

Crap.

Before I went to bed, I bravely opened the bathroom door, turned on the light (which for now is a bulb hanging from the ceiling) and took a peek.  Any creepy crawly things, raccoons or other freaky friends?  Gulp.  Nope….not YET anyway!

So, I jumped into bed, really fast, in case there were invisible crawly critters that had already crawled in.  Right before I feel asleep, I realized that I needed to visit the bathroom one last time…which meant I had to walk across the room, out into the hall to the other bathroom.  Which meant I could be vulnerable to a creepy crawler attack.  Especially by those invisible ones!  They are sneaky!  I jumped up, headed for the door, hit my leg on the bedpost (great another bruise) and quickly got to the other bathroom.  Turned on the light.  Whew.  Nothing got me.  Yet.

As I got back into bed, my heart racing racing and my thoughts taking on a life of their own…I took a deep breath and soon feel asleep.

Then I dreamed…of crawly monsters and spiders that make webs over people. The dreams went on and on and on and on.  When I finally woke up, I was relieved to see the sun shining in the window, my fella was all cozy next to me…and no gargantuan spider trying to suck the life out of me.

As I breathed a sigh of relief, I noticed a little spider crawling along the wall…heading somewhere fast…probably trying to get back home from a long night out…and I smiled.

I wasn’t scared of this little guy at all.  He seemed perfectly harmless.

Nothing like a little perspective!

Our guy just got here to do some more work.  I told him that tonight, the floor has to be closed up.

I am just weird that way.