Hello gorgeous folks!

I know that I haven’t posted in for awhile…I have written about 7 blogs…with a zillion words.  I have not been able to find a way to finish them.  I have some great topics in my little brain and for some reason, I have been writing myself into a corner. 

I have been bargaining!

When I get into these bargaining states of mind…its all over! 

What do I mean by bargaining…you might ask?

Well, it goes something like this:

Me (writing a crunchy sentence):  "Oh…good line!"

Bargaining Me (wanting to soft petal something):  "Wait…you can’t say it THAT way!"

Me:  "Why the hell not?"

Bargaining Me:  "Cuz….you just can’t!  Maybe, if you just skip that and say something else…then later you can slip something in sorta like that…but, not that!"

Me:  "What is wrong with this sentence?  Its edgy, its direct…BAM I said exactly what I wanted to!"

Bargaining Me:  "It’s too direct…it’s too edgy…How about if you say it softer and then later you can slip something else in to make your point?"

Just typing this is tiring me out!

Whose voice is this inside me?
Who is it that feels the need to bargain so that I can say what I want to say?

As I tune into the voice…recognition emerges…slowly…then with some embarrassment, I realize who is in my head! 

A nun! 

Yes, that’s right…a nun!

For those of you who went to Catholic school…you will be able to relate.  For those of you who didn’t….well, you missed out on some very interesting experiences (Yes, yes…I put that very politely!). 

Now, this nun is not a vicious child hater.  She is a nice woman, who loves kids but doesn’t want to make waves with the other nuns.  So, she bargains.  She bargains with her words. She wants to support the freedom within her students minds.  She wants to soften the "catholic load"…while keeping the peace with the other nuns.  She doesn’t mind ruffling some feathers…but, she doesn’t want to create any big cuffufle. 

So, she bargains.  She bargains with her words. 

I get my strong desire to respect other peoples world views from her.  I can’t always achieve this…but, I do strive for this as a personal goal.

The challenge with having her in my head is that instead of just letting my words rip…I feel myself putting my foot on the brake and the gas at the same time.  Not only does this get me no where fast…its also blows out my engine!  Ya know what I mean?

Wow!  I am metaphor queen today!

As I type this blog…I have gotten up a few times; got a yummy slice of pumpkin bread, poured myself another cup of coffee, filled up the bird feeders, watched a bunny hop across the yard, listened to a piece of something that my fella is recording…

I realize that I bargain with myself constantly. 

Constantly!

This nun hangs out with me often.  She wants freedom for others.  But, she imprisons herself…me…when she bargains with her words.  When she bargains with my words.  When I bargain with my words…I imprison myself.  I cage myself. 

So, dear fabulous readers…

• Do you bargain with yourself?

• If so, in what ways does this bargaining support you?

• In what ways does this bargaining deplete you?

Take a moment to tune into this voice.

• What does this voice remind you of?

• Whose voice is it?

• What situations does this voice run the show?

• What does this voice want for you?

• How can this voice support you in a new more vibrant way?

If you feel like sharing…I would LOVE to hear your thoughts!