Hello there fabulous folks!

I know I said that I was going to write about my feelings and such regarding my upcoming surgery but, I have had so many of them that I didn’t know where to start. I am having lots of opposing feelings…lots of relief and sadness. Some grief and some celebration.

So, without further ado, I have decided to write a eulogy for my Uterus…oh and my Ovary!

I shake my head and wonder, why the hell am I sad about these organs being gone? I mean, this has truly been an abusive relationship. If you even want to call this a relationship. When we first met, it was in 6th grade. I had gone to the bathroom at St. Isadore’s and noticed that there was blood in the toilet. I thought someone had been hurt! Then, I noticed this horrible red stain on the back of my blue plaid skirt.

I went back to the office completely confused and mortified. The principle took one look at my skirt and said “You have begun to menstruate Lynne, this will happen to you every month. It is the punishment for being a woman!”

Then she called my mom.

When my mom got to the school, she brought me a change of clothes and gave me this huge weird thing that I was told to put between my legs. She then told me to go back to class.

Back to class!!!!!! Are you kidding me???? Everyone will know when I walk in wearing pants and all the other girls have their plaid blue skirts on!

“This will happen to you every month for a long long time…you had better get used to it!!” said my mom

As she drove off, I was wondering what she meant. Was I going to stain my clothes every month? Have that awful pain every month? What? What? What was going to happen every month??? Hello???

You see, at that time, in a Catholic school, they wanted to make sure girls knew absolutely NOTHING about their body’s…and if anything weird happened in their body’s, the nuns made sure that we all knew it was because we had somehow sinned.

I spent the next few days trying to figure out what I had done wrong to cause THIS! After awhile of pondering, I got bored and figured the sin was that I couldn’t figure out the sin!

So, this was my first awareness of my uterus. Lots of pain and total embarrassment…oh and somehow the ultimate sin of a woman! Great!!!! Nice to meet you!!!!!

As the years went by and I got to know this part of my anatomy, we became sort of distant friends. If I missed the monthly visit, I became terrified that I might be pregnant. Mother Mary got pregnant and she hadn’t had sex! And hey, I was blond haired and blue eyed, like the statue in church…it might happen to me! God seemed to visit lots of young women. Later, I started fearing God was kind of a perve…but, that is another blog!

I remember the first time that my Uterus was kind to me. It was during the pregnancy of my first son. It did everything to keep him safe and cozy. When it was time, it released him into the world all beautiful and sweet. By the time I was pregnant with my second son, I must admit, I took my uterus for granted. It did not seem to mind this because it brought my second son into the world all beautiful and sweet.

After this brief affair, everything went down hill….the second honeymoon was over. I never knew when it would show up and if it did, it was cranky and long winded. We fought, I cried, and when it would leave, I would feel exhausted and drained.

Tomorrow, I say goodbye to these body parts. They will go wherever these things go after they are surgically removed! And I will go my own way. Free from pain. Free from conflict. Free from all that this relationship has entailed.

So….good bye Uterus and left Ovary.
Its been REAL!
Thanks for keeping my sons safe and cozy. I will never forget you for that.

If you decide to look down on me, from up in Uterine heaven…I will be the one twirling and dancing about.

5 Responses to “Eulogy for a Uterus…oh and an Ovary!”

  1. Later, I started fearing God was kind of a perve…

    {{SNORT}} That is just awesome.

    I will be sending you lots of good vibes tomorrow :)

  2. Lynne, this is your funniest blog entry EVER, mostly because it is so true! I’m so glad you posted this.


  3. guffaw guffaw guffaw – i nearly fell off the chair .. i too had the catholic nuns ! and also a catholic mother, who told me to just use the stuff that was in a certain bathroom cupboard …. eventually i figured it out 20 years later – guess thats why i have 4 kids lol.. farewwell and good riddance i say, i will be wishing you the bestest and speediest recovery . love you to bits xxxxxxxxxxx


  5. Hee Hee…glad you all had a good giggle:) I laughed out loud while I wrote this. It was very healing. I will write again next week! Bye for now~

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