Hi there! I hope you are getting a taste of some of this gorgeous fall weather~
I recently went shopping with a friend of mine. We were both looking for some shirts to wear for the fall season. She is a rather buxom babe and I….am not! So we went into a store to check out what they had. Many of the shirts had “one size fits all” tags. So we picked a few and went to try them on. None of them worked…they all looked crappy on both of us. On me, they were too boxy. On her…too tight. We didn’t find a shirt that fit for either of us in that store. We both needed different sizes and cuts. She is petite and buxom…I am tall, with very few curves. Plus, she loves earth tones and I am more of a color lover babe.
One size DID NOT fit all! And even when the shirts sorta fit…the color was off…of the shirt was too long…or too short…
This one size fits all mentality shows up in many of the healing professions.
I recently had a conversation with a woman who suffers from a very debilitating chronic illness. She has been ill for many years, trying a variety of healing modalities as well as trying different mainstream treatments with only minimal relief. A friend of hers had some good results with an energy worker…so she made an appointment. Off she went.This energy worker began to do her thing and within a handful of minutes told her that her physical issues were caused by “unexpressed anger.” Then continued on to ask her if she could think of anyone that she was holding anger against. This woman, who was feeling very vulnerable, started to wonder who she might be harboring intense anger at. When she couldn’t think of anyone, the practitioner said that maybe she was repressing her anger.
She spent the next week trying to figure out what she was repressing. Which led her to think thoughts that somehow she was to blame for being sick. Which led to thoughts of “I am doing something wrong!” For any of you who have chronic health issues…or any health issue for that matter…you probably have landed here yourself…a gabillion times. Self blame. I am wrong. I suck!
Not a very soothing place to land!
Now, I am going to take a guess here and say that this energy worker was coming from a loving place and that she was not intentionally blaming this woman. I would like to say that when the answers come from a book that says breast cancer is caused by “lack of feeling loved”….you run the risk of not doing enough detective work with your client. The answers are just too pat. Too linear. Too “one size fits all.”
I have worked with hundreds of people with health conditions and I could just as easily say that all of these wonderful people had places in their past experiences where they did not feel loved. I can also say that no matter what the condition, people have some form of repressed anger, grief, and sadness…but…and this is a big BUT…so do folks without health conditions.
Humans are complicated. Our bodies are complicated. One size DOES NOT fit all.
This shows up in allopathic medicine also. Medications help some but not others. Treatments help some, but not everyone. What is that about? Some would say it’s because the folks that it helped…wanted to get help. Those that it didn’t help…on some level these people didn’t want to get better. I just don’t agree. I also don’t think that this kind of focus is helpful to the person.
This is a very sensitive subject…and it must be treated very gently.
We live in a “one size fits” all country…even though our population is more diverse than it has ever been. I believe that this “one size fits all” focus takes the art out of healing. It takes the exploration out of healing. It also…just doesn’t work!
So, if you are a health care professional who uses this model of looking in a book for the emotional “cause” to an illness, try taking a step back from that. Be a bit more curious. Ask your client more questions standing in beginners mind. Your client intuitively knows how to heal. They know what is soothing and what isn’t! And remember…healing looks like many different things.
And for you brave folks who are on the journey, dealing with a health condition…remember that you get to say to your doctors, and energy workers…your health care professionals…”NO! That does not resonate with me! I am not a one size fits all kind of human!”
Here’s to diversity!
Cheers!!!
September 23rd, 2008
I really like this post.
I have been on the receiving end of this, but happily now that I’m a bit older, I’m a lot better at standing up for myself and making sure I get what I need.
I must also confess that when I first started my tutoring business, I did tend to treat my students this way, as in, “I am the expert, and I will tell you what you need, and bend you to my will, Mwa Ha Ha Ha Ha!”
But again, now that I’m a bit older and wiser, I’m much better about asking lots of questions, and helping my students get exactly what they need.
September 23rd, 2008
Thank you for this. I am definitely not a “one size fits all” kinda babe. As a friend of mine used to say (and I say very occasionally), I’m built for comfort, not speed. I’m very curvy and having fit in a one size fits all for years!
I had never thought to apply it to other areas of my life: healing (as you said), styles, attitudes, belief systems…absolutely everything!
It’s easy for me to be kind to someone who chooses to read romance novels. They aren’t the books I read and I actually dislike them but it’s OK for someone else to like them. It’s equally easy for me to accept that we there isn’t one faith that fits all of us. I can even accept people who like Starbucks (don’t tell anyone I hate it–I live just outside Seattle and I could be shunned for that particular belief). I just never thought about that concept as it revolves around my health and healing issues. I definitely will, now.
As always, thanks for your loving insight.
September 25th, 2008
Glad you both liked the post~ I am thinking this concept is being used to try and figure out this economic issue…”one size fits all” ain’t gonna work! No way!
September 27th, 2008
What a great metaphor of YES what all of us with health conditions experience –well intentioned practioners wanting the “one treatment”, fits all to work, so simple, easy and often is less expensive (like the one size fits all tees).
September 27th, 2008
One size fits all..would be great…and less expensive for sure. I guess we are all more complicated than that. We have our own, unique ways of interpreting the world…our own ways of healing…our own ways. Yay for diversity!