I am happy to share that even though we might be facing financial disaster, I have been meeting some very very very kind people along this journey.  Yesterday, I called the hospital billing folks to tell them that our insurance has “declined” to pay for the surgery that they had “pre approved” back in April.  Not only had they declined to pay, they have decided to drop me as a customer.  Well, they beat me to the punch.

I told my fella: “No way!  They can’t break up with me first!  I was going to break up with them first!!!!”

I must admit that I have never had an insurance company break up with me…so, my ego is a wee bit injured.

So, back to the story at hand.  I called the billing babe and she was so kind to me.  I told her what was going on.  She sympathized with our story and shared a story of her sister who had the same insurance company as us.  You see her sister was diagnosed with breast cancer…and received “pre-approval” for treatment, only to later find out that her insurance company decided to deny payment because they considered her cancer to be “pre-existing.”  PRE-EXISTING!!!!!  Why…cuz she had breasts???  So, while she was trying to recover from all of the devastating treatments, she and her husband had to file for bankruptcy.  I started to tear up as she finished this story.  Oh…and she won’t be able to get reconstructive surgery…cuz…yep!  You guessed it!  Her insurance won’t cover her.

I told her to tell her sister that I would send her lots and lots of healing vibes.  She said that she was going to tell her sister about us.  I started to cry again.  She shared with me some options.  Some options we can’t use because the insurance company took so long to make a decision.  But, there are a couple options that might soften this blow.  She is not sure if we can qualify…but, we are going to give it a go.

I thanked her for her kindness and we said “goodbye.”  It was such a relief to be treated so kindly.  I tucked the hospital bill back into the file.  The rest of the billing offices would have to wait.  I felt too fragile to call another one.

Today, my billing file is calling out to me: “Take care of this Lynne.  It will be okay.  It always works out…one way or another.”

I still feel nervous.

I feel really scared.

I feel like somehow I am in trouble for something.

As I tune in, I realize that I feel very young right now.  Like I broke another dish because I “wasn’t paying attention!”  I am gonna get yelled at and sent to my room.  I have to remind myself that I am a bad ass babe.  That I am a grown up.  That no matter what happens with this, we will figure it out.  We ALWAYS do!!!  ALWAYS!!!

But maybe I will go take a nice soothing bath before I call.  Because even a bad ass babe like me feels fragile sometimes~