Good day’

This morning I woke up to rain! Not only is it raining out…it is nice and cool:) The type of weather makes me want to read a good book or pretend to write one:)

Ok…back to the topic at hand.

Lately, I have been working with many people on this whole concept of “ASKING.” And…this has been coming up for me too. No shock there! I think that many of us were raised in families that taught us that asking for what we wanted was rude…or selfish…or wrong.

In my family, if I asked for something, I was quickly reprimanded and shamed. I quickly learned not to ask for anything. I can remember wanting something at the grocery store (usually a hostess apple pie) and I would pray to God that my mom would figure this out and offer to buy me one. If she did offer this (which was rare), I would have to act all surprised…like I hadn’t thought of that. I would need to demonstrate appropriate gratitude. Then, I would have to wait until she offered it too me back at home. It felt very restrictive. There were all of these pot holes that I could fall into…and much of the time I did…so, this treat would be taken away until I was able to follow the rules properly.

It was a very stressful experience to have a desire…even for a hostess apple pie. So being the constant rebel as a kid…one day I decided to stop wanting anything. I think I was 7 years old!

I have since chatted with my mom about this…very carefully…and her generation believed that kids were naturally greedy and their job as a parent was to teach them to be grateful. Teaching gratitude by with holding! Hmmmmmmmm…..

Well, to counter act this I decided that when I had kids I would teach them that the world is an abundant place. That they were free to ask for anything they wanted. No shame. No guilt. Just freedom. I never used their desires as a way to control their behavior. If they wanted a cookie from the woman in the bakery, they could have one…just cuz! If they wanted a toy, and I could afford it…they could have it…just cuz!

The interesting thing is that they never had temper tantrums at the check out line cuz they wanted a candy bar…in fact, they rarely wanted anything. They didn’t fall apart in the toy store if I couldn’t get them another Ninja Turtle…they were at peace no matter what we bought or didn’t buy. Sometimes the answer was “yes” sometimes “no”…but, it was neutral. No shame. No guilt. No punishment. No trying to control their behavior by using their desires against them.

And guess what? Now that they are in their 20’s…they always find it easy to get their desires met and they are incredibly grateful and appreciative young men. They are not big consummers. If something doesn’t show up that they want…they don’t feel undeserving…they just figure it’s not quite time yet.

Very different than how I connect with “asking”. I still have shame, guilt and embarrassment if I ask for something. If I ask for something and the answer is “no” then these feelings are even more intense. In fact, for many years if someone asked me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas….I wouldn’t tell them…or I would have no idea of what I wanted.

This seems to be a very common experience for many folks.

Many people have tucked their wants and desires away.

Many people have difficulty asking for what they want.

Many people have difficulty if they receive a “no” when they ask.

This is one of the powerful places in coaching….the question: “what do you want?”

I have asked this question many, many times…and about 3/4ths of the time someone will say: “Ya know Lynne, no one has ever asked me that!”

The first time someone asked me that…I had the same sorta shocked experience. What DO I want? Huh! Wow! I dunno!!!

So, if you feel inspired, I invite you to play along with me:

Ask yourself: “What do I want?”

Then ask it again: “What else?’

Then ask it again: “What else do I want?”

Continue on with this until you land in “it”. You will know “it” when you land there. It’s the “it” that must exist in order for you to thrive.

Once you have landed here…ask yourself:

“What small step can I take right now to support this want?”

“Where does this “it” already exist in my life?”

Look for the small and the big….look for “it’s” existence everywhere.

The cool thing about this is that you asking yourself. The other cool thing is that you can find all the answers within yourself. And the best cool thing of all is that no matter what is happening in your life…no matter where your life is…if you open up…you will find that this “it” exists….already. And from this place of awareness…you can allow it to expand.

Okie dokie lovely reader….have an ever expansive day enjoying your desires and enjoying asking yourself “What do I want?”

….”What do I really really really want?”