After hanging up the phone last night, I let out a deep exhale.

Note to self…keep breathing when you are on the phone with her!

I had been holding my breath for the last handful of minutes towards the end of the call while she was crying and begging me to come out and help her.  I told that I would be there soon.  Soon in her world is an ever changing thing. Soon in my world means about 3 weeks.  But, who knows if she will even be here by then.  Part of me hopes she will be gone, part of me wants to see her one last time.

My intuitive sense says she will be here for a bit longer…but who knows. (more…)

Hi folks~

I fell off the planet for a while and just found a way to hop back on.  With the exception of getting used to gravity again…and all that means to my newly fabulous 48 year old body…I am doing just dandy!

And because I am getting into the swing of things…as much swing as I can get on a gravity based planet…I have stolen todays post from Rob Brezney.  I couldn’t help it.  It is just so flippin brilliantly great…I just had to share it with you.

So…without further ado…. (more…)

Since Monday’s post, I have had 5 different phone conversations with my mom.  I can’t tell if she remembers any of them.  During some of them she was seemingly lucid…others…not so much.

One of the aspects of dementia is that the person who is demented…(Can I say that?) becomes very good at compensating.  If mom doesn’t remember something or something confuses her she will start to mumble…change the subject…lie… or strike.   All are very effective…especially the strike.

Brilliant way to get everyone to back the hell off so that she can internally settle herself. (more…)

I had the strangest phone call yesterday…no more stranger than the one before that or the one before that.  Things have been slippin on these calls for a while.  And due to the complicated nature of this relationship…I have been confused about what to do.

I know that I need to go visit…but when?

Maybe it is not as bad as I am thinking.  She has always been a handful with a mean edge.

I want to do some writing about this.  But is that being disloyal?

Visiting…I do need to go out to visit.  In the fall.  Maybe we can all go out for Thanksgiving…she would like that.  I need to go out soon before this thing takes over!

Badly….Well, it is as bad as I have been thinking.  In fact, it is progressing alarmingly quickly.

Writing…I have decided to write about  this…tenderly and a wee bit gingerly.  She doesn’t read this blog…and if she did…hmmmmm…might not be good.   I am still unsure if this is being disloyal (I mean this is pretty intense dirty laundry!) . But, I think that writing about this could be cathartic for me…and possibly for those of you who are going through a similar experience. (more…)

Well, it’s time to take another break from watching the news.  I just can’t take it anymore.

If I see one more pelican covered in oil…

If I see Anderson Cooper in one more tight black t-shirt (though he does look cute as a button!)…

If I see one more sad story…

I will fall so deep into a pit of despair…

Well, not that deep.  I am too much of an optimist to go to far down.  But, I sure have been getting my toes wet. (more…)

I had a nice little meditation this morning…sitting on my comfy chair…outside in the sun.  It was one of those meditations where I became so quiet, that a butterfly landed on my leg and a goddess came down from above and shared some possibilities to a  question that I had been meditating on.  As I was receiving all of these super groovy gifts, I noticed that there was some internal drifting happening.

I was  surprised and excited that a swallowtail had landed on my leg…cuz that is super cool and groovy…and must mean something profound!  Right????

Another part of my mind was trying to document the fabulous words of wisdom being shared by this ethereal being…along with noticing what a cool gown the goddess babe was wearing.  Which lead me to wonder where she got that dress?  I loved the fabric!  I could make some awesome curtains for our bedroom with that fabric!!

And another part of me was noticing that the neighbors dogs had been barking for awhile prompting the human who lives there to come outside and start yelling at them to “shut the hell up!!!”  (more…)