This last Sunday…uh…yesterday, I was busy reading the New york Times with a yummy cup of coffee that my fella made for me.

*I just love saying that I was “reading the New York Times”…makes me feel so…hmmmm… cosmopolitan and sophisticated.  Well, really it helps me forget that I moved to this strange little neighborhood where my next door neighbor thinks that tires are the new garden accessory and cars belong on lawns.

Anyway, back to the article that I was reading.

The writer was talking about having an iphone.  And concluded half way through the article, that he hated it.  His conclusion intrigued me so I read on. His article was funny and irreverant.  My favorite!  I have heard all about the iphone.  I have heard that it is the coolest phone ever.  I have heard friends describe all the snazzy features.  They talk about music downloads, how cool the screen is, how cool the apps are…it can do this, that and the other thing.

But, can it wash, fold and put away the laundry?  Can it clean the toilet?  Can it market my business? If it can…I might change my mind about getting one;)

You see…I have don’t have an iphone.

You see…I have never had any type of cell phone.

You see…I am a cell phone virgin.

I have made calls on my fella’s phone but, it feels awkward and I never get how to send the call or how to hang the damned thing up.  I don’t even get where to hold it so that I can hear the person on the other line!  it is all so….so….so…something.  I am still a total virgin.  Coping a feel does NOT count!

I kinda like that I don’t have a cell phone. I don’t know why.  Maybe it’s some kind of latent rebellion on my part.  But, I am happy when I tell people that I don’t have a cell phone.  “What?” they say.  “You don’t have a cell phone?”  I explain that I work at home and that I don’t need one.  “Well, everyone needs one!”  they say.  Well, not me!

My friends are annoyed at me about this refusal to join the 21st century.

The other day, my friend said: “Why the hell don’t you get a cell phone Lynne!!!  Come on!  I need to get in touch with you sometimes when you are in your car!”

Me:  “Well, can’t you call me before I get into the car?”

Friend: “Well, I suppose.  But, if you had a cell we could have met a few minutes earlier!!!”

Me: “Oh.”

Recently, I was meeting another friend for a walk.  She was not sure if she was going to be late.  So, I told her that I would go do my errands and then call her on her cell phone.  She pointed out that I wouldn’t be able to call her cuz I don’t have a cell phone.  I smuggly told her that I would just find a pay phone.

A pay phone.

Easy.  Right?

Wrong.

Oh so wrong.

After running my errands, I looked outside of the stores.  I looked at gas stations.  I looked by the bus stops.  I even looked in a Starbucks.  *I needed a cup of coffee to keep my energy up to find a phone!!

No pay phones.

I found one phone booth…but there was no phone. It was empty.  You would think that they would take the whole thing…but, no.  Just an empty shell with a guys name and number who promised to show me a good time.  But, since there was no phone…and since I didn’t have a cell phone…I couldn’t have called it if I wanted too!

I headed to the place where we were going to meet.  SInce I didn’t call her…I wasn’t even sure if we were still going for a walk.  I looked up and saw a resturant.  Maybe they would have a phone.

Me:  “Hi!  Do you have a phone that I can use?”

Resturant Babe:  “No.  We don’t.”

Me:  “Who knew it was so hard to find a pay phone?”

Resturant Babe:  Looking at me like I was an idiot, “Is it a local call?”

Me:  “Yep, I need to call my friend to figure out where we are meeting.”

Resturant Babe:  “Here.  You can use my cell phone.”

Me: “Wow!  Thanks so much.”

She gets her purse…and she pulls out an iphone.

Yep. An iphone.

Now, I would have the chance to prove once again how much of an idiot she already knew that I was.

She hands it to me and walks away.

Uh.  I didn’t know how to turn the thing on.

I walk up to the area where she is laughing with a co-worker.   I assume that they were laughing at what an idiot I was!

Me:  “Uh, excuse me?  I don’t know how to use this.”  I hand the phone over to her.

Resturant Babe:  “Oh, no problem.”  Within a few seconds she had it on…did something with something.  Asked me what the number was.  Dialed it.  Handed it over to me.

I took the phone, saying “thanks so much” and put it to my ear.  I think I put it to my ear.  I couldn’t really tell.  I heard a light ringing.  At least I was close.

My friends answering maching came on.  She wouldn’t answer.  What was I thinking?  She didn’t recognize the phone number!  I left a message.

As I was driving home, I wondered if maybe I did need to get a cell phone.  An old fashion one, like my fella’s.  I could learn how to use that!  Then I would have a way to reach people when I was out and about.  And they could reach me.  And this wouldn’t happen again…

I pulled into my driveway.

Nah.

I don’t want to be reached 24/7.

I like having time in my car to enjoy the view and listen to tunes.

I don’t like when I see folks talking on their cell phones while they are driving over the white line.  Not even noticing that they almost smushed me in my cute little VW beetle.  I also don’t like when I am hanging out with a friend and they are on their cell phones.  Or texting.  Or checking messages.  ALways doing multiple things at once.

Nah.

It’s not for me.

At least right now.