It has always been a wee bit challenging for me to call a spade a spade.  Unless, of course if the spade wants to be a spade…then I am totally on board. But, if the spade wants to be a heart or a diamond or a club…I can completely go there.

There are several factors that have contributed to this little mind set of mine.  One  stems from the way I was raised.  Yep, blame it on childhood!!!  I lived in a home where a spade was NOT a spade but something else completely. And ya better not point out that it was really a spade cuz then you would be in deep doo-doo!

Another factor is that I am such an optimist/magical thinker/naive babe-a-roo.    I have always been this way.  If someone tells me that it is not a spade but a heart…I believe em. Not always….but often enough!  I just figure they know what they know and I am probably miss informed.  Or that maybe it is a spade and they see it as a heart and we can agree to disagree!

The other part of this is that for some reason calling a spade a spade has become a sort of negative thing.  Sorta like it’s not okay to call a pile of shit…a pile of shit.  Sometimes people want to throw glitter on it and call it an art project!  Sorry to be so crass here….but it makes my point so clearly!

I made the uncomfortable decision some months ago of ending a relationship due to pretty intense spade behaviors.  A very difficult decision for someone like me.  I tend to continue to throw glitter at things trying to reframe the hell out em so that they can work.  Or so that I can be more supportive…or a “good friend”…or or or…on and on it goes…name your poison!

But, finally one morning I woke up…and said “Hey that ain’t pretty…that is rotten.  And I don’t want to be around rotten.”

There were no reframes left.  There was only a pit of bad feelings in my stomach that I had tried to cover up for a long long long time.  So, I called the spade a spade.  And shockingly…the world did not end!  Another shock was that my fella and some other friends of mine had known the spade was a spade the whole time!

Okay…so not only am I an optimist/magical thinker and naive babe-a-r00….I am also not the sharpest tool in the shed!!!

Another surprise to me  happened after walking away from this is that things started to clear up.  Things that had been feeling vague and unclear…became crystal clear.  My ability to decipher my internal “yes” and “no” became more fluid. I saw the whole deck of cards…clearly without any of the suits super imposing themselves on each other.

How is that for some metaphorical languaging!!!  😉

Another way to put this is that I had taken some of my values too far.  I have strong values around relationships and loyalty.  I was focusing so much energy on being loyal to this friend and I simultaneously disconnecting from being loyal to myself.  The minute I reconnected with “loyalty to my Self” things became clear.


So my dear readers….I have a some questions for you to ponder:

What spades are easy for you to call?

What spades do you call hearts to make peace?

What is the one big spade that you have been avoiding?

What is the benefit of avoiding this spade?

What is the bummer of avoiding this spade?

If you were free to call this spade a spade…how would your life change?

Okie dokie artichokie’s….let me know how this goes:)

Feel free to share if inspired :)

Have a full deck kind of week!!!!!

10 Responses to “calling a spade and spade.”

  1. Lynne–I loved reading this and am gnawing on it, as it is a mouthful of food-for- thought.

    Oh boy, I can relate to your childhood of spades not being spades…and it being taboo to say one is a spade even if it isn’t. I too was a “glitter thrower” or being my “natury” self a “flower petal thrower”…changing what I knew in my guts to be true so that I didn’t break that TABOO of expressing the not so nice truth I saw, experienced etc…

    I feel like one of the important pieces of my journey through adulthood has been listening to my guts…then trusting them, as to a healthy relationship (heart) versus one that drains energy and adds “craziness” (spade).

    I love the concept you’ve brought up of how our values (dearly held ones) we can hold on to so tight, we miss the truth and can be hurt in the process. Yours being loyalty (I love that about you) … for me I think its my looking for the beauty and funny and for the best in people and situations. It is easy to bypass seeing what isn’t beautiful that needs attending to or needs to be avoided. Using your marvelous metaphor…it has kept me at times from seeing a spade and calling it that.

    Love this piece Lynne, your sharing your process and wisdom learned. I always discover something important by way of seeing it through your eyes (your mind). I know I will thinking about this for awhile.

    Love ya my wise (and loyal) friend. When we finally get together in person, let’s play cards!

  2. Now see, I’ve always thought you were really good at calling a spade a spade. That’s one of the things I most appreciate about you :)

  3. just loving you!

  4. xoxoxoxox right back at ya :) Got any new pictures from your trip?

  5. Well….I guess that is were there are some more polarities. My fella says the same thing….he says he trusts me to “give it to him straight!”

    I think that there is more to write about this :)

  6. Glad that you liked this post Kerry~ I think there is more to write about on this topic…Jenny pointed out that she sees me as someone who calls a spade a spade….so does my fella…my boys…and most people I know. Hmmmmmmm…interesting. A big polarity for sure :)

    Well, I am back to scratchin my head!

  7. I’ve always considered you the Re-frame Queen, so when you runout of re-frames, something is definitely rotten in the state of Lynne! A certain amount of glitter is necessary, I think, so we aren’t too quick to toss the baby out with the dirty diaper, but the question for me is, how do we know when enough is enough? How do we perceive and honor our limits?

  8. Hey Carol! Thanks for the comment~ Good question….how do we know enough is enough? Might just have to write some posts about that :) To be continued…..

    Oh and hey readers and commenters…check out Carol’s new blog :) She has so much brilliant wisdom to share :)
    And don’t forget Kerry and Jenny’s blog :)

  9. You do call a spade a spade. I saw this post as sharing your process in doing so in a situation in which it was more difficult to do so…and also the journey you went through to get good at calling a spade a spade.

    Twenty five years I’ve known you Lynne and your sharing of your own journey and the processes you go through get the mind’s of others thinking…at least mine. Think its one reason you make such a great Life Coach.

    Also, you bring up topics not often thought about, as you did in this post, such as how our most dear values can sometimes challenge us.

    Happy Fourth of July!

  10. Well, Kerry…I think ya just love me to reeses pieces :) Have a good fourth of July too :)
    Love ya my friend!

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