It has always been a wee bit challenging for me to call a spade a spade. Unless, of course if the spade wants to be a spade…then I am totally on board. But, if the spade wants to be a heart or a diamond or a club…I can completely go there.
There are several factors that have contributed to this little mind set of mine. One stems from the way I was raised. Yep, blame it on childhood!!! I lived in a home where a spade was NOT a spade but something else completely. And ya better not point out that it was really a spade cuz then you would be in deep doo-doo!
Another factor is that I am such an optimist/magical thinker/naive babe-a-roo. I have always been this way. If someone tells me that it is not a spade but a heart…I believe em. Not always….but often enough! I just figure they know what they know and I am probably miss informed. Or that maybe it is a spade and they see it as a heart and we can agree to disagree!
The other part of this is that for some reason calling a spade a spade has become a sort of negative thing. Sorta like it’s not okay to call a pile of shit…a pile of shit. Sometimes people want to throw glitter on it and call it an art project! Sorry to be so crass here….but it makes my point so clearly!
I made the uncomfortable decision some months ago of ending a relationship due to pretty intense spade behaviors. A very difficult decision for someone like me. I tend to continue to throw glitter at things trying to reframe the hell out em so that they can work. Or so that I can be more supportive…or a “good friend”…or or or…on and on it goes…name your poison!
But, finally one morning I woke up…and said “Hey that ain’t pretty…that is rotten. And I don’t want to be around rotten.”
There were no reframes left. There was only a pit of bad feelings in my stomach that I had tried to cover up for a long long long time. So, I called the spade a spade. And shockingly…the world did not end! Another shock was that my fella and some other friends of mine had known the spade was a spade the whole time!
Okay…so not only am I an optimist/magical thinker and naive babe-a-r00….I am also not the sharpest tool in the shed!!!
Another surprise to me happened after walking away from this is that things started to clear up. Things that had been feeling vague and unclear…became crystal clear. My ability to decipher my internal “yes” and “no” became more fluid. I saw the whole deck of cards…clearly without any of the suits super imposing themselves on each other.
How is that for some metaphorical languaging!!! 😉
Another way to put this is that I had taken some of my values too far. I have strong values around relationships and loyalty. I was focusing so much energy on being loyal to this friend and I simultaneously disconnecting from being loyal to myself. The minute I reconnected with “loyalty to my Self” things became clear.
So my dear readers….I have a some questions for you to ponder:
What spades are easy for you to call?
What spades do you call hearts to make peace?
What is the one big spade that you have been avoiding?
What is the benefit of avoiding this spade?
What is the bummer of avoiding this spade?
If you were free to call this spade a spade…how would your life change?
Okie dokie artichokie’s….let me know how this goes:)
Feel free to share if inspired
Have a full deck kind of week!!!!!