Archive for 'The Blame Game'

Well, it’s time to take another break from watching the news.  I just can’t take it anymore.

If I see one more pelican covered in oil…

If I see Anderson Cooper in one more tight black t-shirt (though he does look cute as a button!)…

If I see one more sad story…

I will fall so deep into a pit of despair…

Well, not that deep.  I am too much of an optimist to go to far down.  But, I sure have been getting my toes wet. (more…)

It has always been a wee bit challenging for me to call a spade a spade.  Unless, of course if the spade wants to be a spade…then I am totally on board. But, if the spade wants to be a heart or a diamond or a club…I can completely go there.

There are several factors that have contributed to this little mind set of mine.  One  stems from the way I was raised.  Yep, blame it on childhood!!!  I lived in a home where a spade was NOT a spade but something else completely. And ya better not point out that it was really a spade cuz then you would be in deep doo-doo!

Another factor is that I am such an optimist/magical thinker/naive babe-a-roo.    I have always been this way.  If someone tells me that it is not a spade but a heart…I believe em. Not always….but often enough!  I just figure they know what they know and I am probably miss informed.  Or that maybe it is a spade and they see it as a heart and we can agree to disagree! (more…)

What is healing? Pretty darned tootin’ big question!

To get some help with this daunting question…I decided to consult with one of my oracles…my magic 8 ball:

Me Magic 8 Ball…can I find a definition for healing that works for everyone?

Magic 8 Ball:  “cannot predict now”

MeHmmmm…fine.  Magic 8 Ball…What is healing anyway?

Magic 8 Ball:  “Ask me later”

MeMagic 8 Ball…you are really not helping here.  Can you help me with this at all?

Magic 8 Ball:  “No” (more…)


Last night, I went with a friend of mine to see Debbie Ford.  I have read a few of her books and LOVE her work…she is all about the shadow.

What is the shadow?

Well, think of a person that drives you nuts…or better yet…pisses you off…or even better better yet…someone you hate!  Now, think about what you hate about that person…what are the traits that this person has that rubs you the wrong way.  It is not about the behaviors…it is about the traits. For example: let’s say that the person you are thinking of (the one who makes you want to scream!) is ALWAYS late.  Being late is a behavior.  What is the trait behind being late?




Okay.  So now that you have thought of a trait…or a string of them. (more…)


Good morning gorgeous readers!

Recently, I received my first ever, astrological reading.  I had never been able to have one before because I didn’t know my time of birth.  Out of the blue, my mom sent me my birth certificate…and TA DA…there it was!  Time of birth.  (I am adopted so these sorts of details tend to mean something to me…like "Oh, Wow!  I really do exist!"  or "Look at that…something about my birth!") 

It is a strange thing to not know my history.  I have been looking for it for a long time…now, I just sort of make it up:)  Always a fun thing to do:)

Anyway, back to the astrological reading…

I had asked to look at three areas of my life and we focused mainly on one.  My health! 
I must say that I was sorta nervous about this whole thing.  I was secretly afraid that the astrologer would see some sort of proof that I had done something wrong in a past life and this health issue was my punishment. 

Where the hell did I get that sort of thinking?  Since I LOVE to blame the nuns and priests that were my prison guards when I went to Catholic school for a million years…the fault must lie there!  Its gotta…I mean come on!!!!!!! 

As the astrologer looked at my planets and such…turns out that I am not being punished for some horrible sin after all!  Some planet landed on top of some other planet which caused something…the result… a health issue.  Ta Da!!!!!  All neat and tidy!  She was able to "see" when it came back and what years it was really bad (this was very accurate) and best news of all….it is gonna take a hike come 2009. 

Well, actually…when I heard that, I almost started crying.  2009?  I have to live like this until 2009?  Now way!  I can’t do it!  Where is that damned bridge to jump off of when ya need it!!!!?????

As I sat with this information for a bit…it felt softer and more interesting.  I do think that I have a say in everything…so, maybe…just maybe…I can get this little sucker to take a hike even sooner!  The other aspect that was soothing was that all of a sudden I felt a deep sense of relief that I wasn’t to blame.  I didn’t DO anything wrong! It was the alignment of the stars that fucked me up!  I could blame the stars instead of myself!  Wow!  That feels better.

Now remember…the feeling of "blame" is moving up the emotional scale.  Blame certainly feels better than despair!  Way better!  But, self blame…yikes!  That will head ya back down into despair pretty damned fast.  So, I went from secretly blaming myself to blaming the stars!

I have worked with hundreds of folks over the years on issues concerning the body. Whether the focus is on weight or eating disorders of illness of some form,  it seems that there is a common thread with this tendency for humans to land in self blame. 

"What did I DO to cause this?"

This is a tricky place to land.  On the one hand…if you can figure out what "you did" to cause the problem…you can stop doing that!  On the other hand this line of thinking can really turn on ya…because most times, its isn’t about something you did or didn’t do…it isn’t about the thoughts you thought or didn’t think…it isn’t about the feelings you felt or didn’t feel.  These issues just aren’t that straight forward. 

The bottom line is that where ever you stand with your body…be aware of what you are telling yourself…be aware of your story line.  From there you can move into new thoughts.  If you are stuck in self blame…blame someone or something else.  Blame the stars and the moon…blame the nuns and the priests…blame the doctors. 

When you notice that you are feeling abit lighter…

move from blame into thoughts that feel like worry…

from there move to thoughts that inspire disappointment…

if you feel like moving past disappointment..think thoughts that inspire frustration. 

Now that you are in frustration…notice the journey that you just took.  You moved from self blame all the way up to frustration.  Doesn’t that feel better? 

Ah…the life giving breath of frustration!!!

If you want to move out of frustration…go ahead and reach for the next best feeling thought.  Maybe its a thought that elicits boredom.  Boredom of the whole damned thing! 

Now you are on your way to feeling better and better.

The trick to all of this is NOTICE what you are feeling.  NOTICE what you are telling yourself.  From there you can take action and move on up the emotional scale.  Take it easy though…if you start feeling icky again…you tried to move to fast and far. 

Whatever you decide….if you are in any state of self blame…get the hell out as fast as ya can.  Cuz all of that is just gonna bring ya down!

So, here are some questions to pose to yourself:

  • What do I tend to blame myself for?
  • When am I vulnerable to self blame?
  • Whose voice is this?

Once you have your bearings a bit…reach for the next best feeling thought~

No matter what you do…be as kind to yourself as possible!



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