Since Monday’s post, I have had 5 different phone conversations with my mom.  I can’t tell if she remembers any of them.  During some of them she was seemingly lucid…others…not so much.

One of the aspects of dementia is that the person who is demented…(Can I say that?) becomes very good at compensating.  If mom doesn’t remember something or something confuses her she will start to mumble…change the subject…lie… or strike.   All are very effective…especially the strike.

Brilliant way to get everyone to back the hell off so that she can internally settle herself.

After one particularly dizzying strike, I was thinking about the amazing ability humans have of defending themselves.  We all compensate.  We all have our own version of puffing up when feeling under attach and scared.  We all have our ways of protecting the self.

We also have unique styles of compensation that focuses on how to navigate in our environments.

Blind people compensate by using their hearing and sense of touch in amplified ways.  They can ‘see’ through their hearing.

I went to a concert once with my girlfriend who was deaf.  She compensated for her deafness by standing right next to the speakers…feeling the sound vibration and moved to the pulse that she felt through her skin.  We had a great time dancing together~

Jerry Garcia had one of his fingers cut off as a kid…he learned to play guitar with four fingers. He had to learn a different way to play…he found a way that worked.  Worked really really well!!!!

Replace “compensate” with “thrive”…

Or maybe replace “compensate” with “adapt”…

It is interesting…isn’t it?

I want to bring this back to how my mom is being quite creative in her ways of compensation.

She has always written lists.  Makes sense.  If you might forget something…write it down.  Now her lists are becoming quit epic.  She writes down EVERYTHING.  Sometimes the list help her to focus and feel less confused.

But, sometimes there is a paradox within compensation!  She has so many lists around that the lists are confusing her.  I have gotten into the habit of telling her “I will write it down for you…and then I will remind you~”  She likes this.  Immediate relief for her.

So, now I am compensating for her compensation 😉

I do the same thing.  I write things down so  I won’t forget them.  I am compensating for a very limited brain capacity for particular details.  Especially when it comes to technology.  There are all of these little steps that I must take in order to post this blog, or to add a link to my website…or to copy and paste something!!  All of these details are in a notebook titled “Stupid dummy dumb dumb technological instructions!”  Works great for me…with a touch of humor…more compensation   If I can laugh…I won’t be in the fetal position under my desk. And…I actually can get some things done!

So, my mother is attempting to adapt…to compensate for the slipper slope of her mind.  Pretty damned brilliant.  She also uses this compensation of emotion and behavior (mumbling, changing the subject, lying…and striking) to keep her fear at bay.  Brilliant yet again.  It would scare the crap out of her if she fully realized what was happening…in fact, I think her mind is protecting her from this realization…so that she won’t be so afraid.  More brilliance.

Now I realize that I am being Little Ms Intellectual here…but, I am gonna chalk that up to my brilliant ways of compensating.  This soothes me.  Tunes me into the feelings of compassion and curiosity.  It also makes me smile…thinking of my mom as a Super Adapter…as a Super Compensator in the face of this scary situation.

This ability to compensate…to adapt…certainly changes from day to day.  Sometimes I am better at it…then other times.

So dear readers…I know I am being a bit long winded here…I had lots of thoughts that I deleted 😉  …

How about you?

What ways do you compensate/adapt to new and challenging situations?

Do you find it a wee bit bumpy as well?

Well, I am off to go call my mom…I have a note here to remind her of something (which I almost forgot to do!)

Bye for now~