Good day lovely friends!

I was going to chat more about "truth" and how it changes and morphs…but, I recently smashed into a new truth!  This truth is absolutely devastating.  I can barely handle it!

What is this devastating truth you might ask?

Here it is….drum roll please!

I have to stop swearing!!!!

Yep, you read that right!

I have to stop swearing!

I realized this on Saturday when I began my training at the radio station.  Right there in the training manual was a page devoted to what words I cannot say.  Now, most of them…I would never say.  But, some of them are my favs.  I am embarrassed to say that my favorite word is "shit" followed by "crap" with a "fuck" sprinkled in once and awhile. 

I know…I am a potty mouth.

I first came upon swear words when I was a young pumpkin doodle.  I must have been about 7 or 8 when I heard a string of them pouring out of my neighbors mouth.  He was not a very nice person…having recently been released from San Quentin prison. I kid you not!  Anyway, at that time I thought he was scary…which he was….so I was not into the string of words.  Besides, I didn’t know what they meant….probably had something to do with the fact that he had just gotten out of prison!!!

Some years later…at the wise old age of 11…I heard my brother use a string of words that were directed towards my mom.  Now, by this age, I was beginning to…hmmmmm…look for ways to individuate.  So, when my brother said this string of words and my moms head flew off… well, lets just say that I took notice!

I thought to myself: "Well, would you look at that!  Her head just flew off.  Hmmmmm I LIKE those words!"

Some time went by.

One day I was at school…a catholic school…and the Principal (she shall remain nameless), got mad at me for something.  She was a rather…ummmm…MEAN AND EVIL sort of woman and I was always getting in trouble with her.  Anyway, I did something to bug her and she swatted my bottom.  Yep!  You read that right!  Actually, I am being polite here.  She whacked my butt really hard…with her hand.  EWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I turned around to her and said: "Take your fuckin hands off of me!!!!!"

I know how terrible that seems but, she was really mean.  And she had done some outrageous things to some other kids in my class and I was afraid of her.  I had been practicing saying swear words with friends and this just seemed like the right time to say one at a mean old witch!!!!

Well, lets just say that her head flew right off.  She whipped around, grabbed me and threw me into her office.  I didn’t realize at the time that swearing AT someone, might make things worse.  I just wanted to see her head fly off!

I won’t tell you what happened next.  Let’s just say, I got into a shit load of trouble and had to say a zillion "Hail Mary’s" and a billion "Our Father’s."
…BUT, she NEVER laid a hand on me or on anyone else in my class after that.

As I grew older, into my teens…I only swore at people who were being really rotten.  The rest of the time I would use swear words as….hmmmmmm…let’s say I used them as embellishment.

In my early 20s I gave birth to my wonderful son Ethan and I decided that I would never swear around him.  By the time Corey was born, two years later, I had kicked the habit…at least around them.  Around my friends, I still enjoyed an embellishment now and again. 

I have given permission through out my life to many people, allowing them to embrace the freedom and fun of swearing.  My friend Kerry still reminds me of how I "taught" her to enjoy swearing.  Well, when you have little kids, and you are a full time student…one NEEDS to be able to go out with a girlfriend and let loose a bit.  Ya know??????

As the years went by, my boys rarely heard me swear.  Once in awhile a favorite swear word would slip out if I hit my head on the cabinets or something like that.  My boys would look at me with horror:  "Mom, you just said the "s" word!"

I still swore around friends and some clients who found this to be therapeutic!  I had a weird kind of ability to control it. 

Once the boys got older….I am talking over 18 years old…I decided that it was okay to swear around them.  To their shock…I started to say "shit" sometimes…sprinkled with "crap" now and then.  When I was being really outraged I would say the "F" word.  I say this word ALOT when I hear our stupid president open his mouth!  But, that is another blog!!!

Since the boys have moved out into their own places…I have begun to swear like a sailor again.  Its just SO MUCH FUN!!!!! 

Well, time to stop!

I am going to have my own radio show…I CAN"T be swearing!  Since it’s public radio…swearing is a BIG no-no! 

I was mentioning this to a client and she was so bummed.  She said "You can’t stop swearing!  You are my swearing buddy!"  Another client said: "Well, I don’t know if we will be a good match anymore if you stop swearing!"  Hmmmmmm interesting!
I guess that my swearing has freed up others to swear and they find it very supportive.  Well, in THAT case….I can’t just stop!!!!

I guess I am going to have figure out how to restrain myself when I am on the radio. Hey, I was able to do it when my kids were growing up…how hard can it be?  I mean really!!!!!!  I have control over myself.  Right?  I am an adult.  I have a say over the kind of crap that comes pouring out of my mouth.  Right?  Oops…I mean: "I have a say over the kinds of words that come pouring out of my mouth." Right?

Uh oh….I think this MIGHT be harder than I thought!

Wish me luck!!!!

Greetings wonderful humans~

I hope you all had a lovely weekend. 

Part of my weekend was lovely…that was Saturday.  Part of my weekend was rough…that was Sunday. 

On Saturday, I cleaned the house, talked to some of my friends on the phone and went to my first training at the radio station.  I enjoyed all of this.  I love a clean house.  I love chatting with my friends and I enjoy when something new engages my brain!

On Sunday…actually it started at about 2am on Sunday…I had a visit from my "health blip"  This time it did not want to be refereed to as a "blip."  It was more of a "You are going down for the count my friend!!!!!"  Well, it took me down all day and I still have some of the pain this morning.  Let me put it this way;  Yesterday, I could hardly talk.  Today, I can barely sit. 

What I am showcasing for you all is the incredible contrast between Saturday, Sunday and today.  "My Truth" is different for each of these days.  It is NOT a set point.  It is very fluid.  On Saturday, I would have told you that "My truth" is "all is well."  "Life is good."  "I am so loved…and I love so many."  "MY house is beautiful."  "My body is strong and fabulous."

On Sunday…these "truths" had altered.  Rather than feeling like an empowered bad-ass babe, I felt like a victim to my body.  I wondered about what the hell had happened that this pain came in so intensely after such a wonderful day.  What did I do wrong?  All was NOT well.  I wondered about all the love that I have towards others and their love of me.  I only questioned the love that others have toward me!  I worried about some of the major repairs that we need to do on our home…or should we move?  My body did not feel strong and fabulous.

Today, I am feeling a slight breeze of hope.  I am feeling love pulsing more strongly through me.  My home feels cozy and pretty.  My body feels tired and tender.

What I am exploring here with you is how much "Your Truth" changes.  The contrast I experienced these three days is all "true" I suppose.  Or it may not be.  All that might be "true" is that I am expressing to you what I was able to focus on those days.  My ability to interpret my world changed dramatically from Saturday to Sunday.  My filtering system changed.  One day I filtered through my lens of "all is well."  The next day, my filtering system was through a haze of pain. 

I would like to propose that part of our spiritual journey is to move beyond the black of white of "your truth."  Play with the idea that there is no set "truth."  Everything is truth and Nothing is truth. 

Rather than focusing on what is TRUE…focus on what feels expansive.  You will notice that on different days your ability to connect with this feeling of expansion will change.  What elicits this feeling of expansion will change.  How long you are able to sustain this feeling of expansion changes.

On days that I have pain, I notice that my ability to connect with what feels expansive is very different because my focus keeps going back to witnessing the pain.  On days that I have no pain…I have so much more capacity for expansion…I have a different sense of freedom towards what I am able to focus on. 

For fun…notice those concepts that are "your truth."  You can play with lighters truths, such as favorite colors or favorite foods…what ever floats your boat.  You can also explore more deeper concepts like love, or beauty…again, what ever floats your boat!

Notice how these truths feel to you from moment to moment…from day to day.

• DO these truths change in intensity?

• What needs to be in place in order for these truths to be fluid?

• What forces are in place when these truths feel rigid?

The focus here is to witness…not to judge. 
I will explore this more in the next few blogs. 

Enjoy!!!!! 

Hello cutie patuties!!!!!

How is everyone doing today?

I have decided to share something with you all that does not shine the best light on me;) I am doing this because I have noticed a strange tendency for folks to project onto me this idea that I am a "got my shit together totally" kind of person. Well, if this has been your fantasy…let me take a moment to shatter that:) I am human…like everyone else.

Here is just one (of a gazillion) pieces of proof.

My fella and I have been together for about 12ish years…maybe more…I have difficulty remembering dates and numbers! Anyhoo, during these years we have had our ups and downs. One of my areas of challenge is that I like things "just so." Everything in our house has a place….and I believe that when you use something, that something really ought to return to its PROPER PLACE! My fella, on the other hand, has a slight (oops actually more than slight) case of ADD and he thinks that things should…I dunno…be put down ANYWHERE.

This has been a bit of a frustration for me all of these years.
*I am lying. I really just want to strangle him and yell: "SNACKS GO BACK ON THE SNACK SHELF….not next to the aluminum foil and baggies….WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU????????

But, I don’t yell. I am too damned polite for that. Instead, I mutter under my breath. Or "remind" him of the proper placing of objects…blah blah blah~

The bottom line is that none of this works. I continue to find snacks on the WRONG shelves, milk in the closet (yep, you read that right!), and a whole bunch of objects placed in the strangest of places.

To add to my frustration, when my fella does the laundry…. My clothes are put in the strangest of places. I find my clothes in his drawers…and on his side of the closet! Yep, you read that right! I find my undies and socks in his drawers and the rest of my clothes are hung up next to his. Kinda cute…but not really!!!!!

This happens because he has ADD and can’t help it and I am mentally challenged and forget that this occurs. I spend time looking in my drawer wondering where my undies and socks…"Didn’t we just do laundry?" I think to myself.

After awhile, it slowly dawns on me. "We DID just do laundry!"

Sure enough, I look in my fellas drawer and there are my undies…not folded…in a pile with his undies. Kind cute…but not really!!!!

So, I decided that all my "good communication skills," were NOT WORKING. Time for REVENGE!!!!!! The next time I did laundry, I hung his clothes on my side of the closet, and stuck his undies and socks (folded…OF COURSE) in my drawer. Then, feeling very good about this latest change of tactic…poured myself a cup of tea~

Next morning, my fella was looking for something to wear. I walked into the room feeling quite pleased with myself because I could see that this is causing him some stress.
"I will BEND HIM TO MY WILL….FINALLY!!!!!!!!" I think to myself.

"Huh….I thought you just did laundry." my fella says

"Yep, I did." I smugly reply

"Huh…where are my clothes?" my fella asks

"On my side of the closet." I smugly reply

"OH" my fella says and then proceeds to find the shirt he wanted and then goes off to the shower.

Nothin!

He isn’t upset….he didn’t even seem to notice.

I follow him into the shower. I tell him what I did and explain that I had spent all of this time plotting revenge. He just grins back. I continue to explain that I wanted to punish him so he would STOP putting my clothes into his drawer!!!! He looks at me blankly.

BLANKLY!!!!!!!!!
Like I am crazy or something!

It began to dawn on me…that there was NOTHING I could do to BEND HIM TO MY WILL. I had to make a choice:

I could be pissy and frustrated for another bunch of years.
I could just remember that when he does the laundry…things will be in various hiding places.
…or I could strangle him and call it a day!

I decided that I kinda like him…so strangling him would mess that up a bit. I also can’t hold onto being pissy for too long. I am not sure if I get bored of that emotion, or what. So, I have decided to let this one go. At least for now.

I reserve the right to change my mind at any time!!!!

Hi there fabulous folks!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs:  www.alixnorth.com, written by one of my favorite friends…and she was discussing a hilarious issue with underwear.  I thought…"I can add to this conversation!"

So, here I go!

In the mornings when my fella is getting dressed, he opens his drawers, holds up a pair of socks and exclaims with glee:  "I have proof of a higher existence!!!!!"  He then excitedly puts on his socks.  On days, when the socks are not so obviously in abundance…he will look around in the nooks and crannies and find that perfect hidden pair and hold them up with glee:  "More proof of a higher existence!!!!!!"  If there are no socks to be found…not even in the magical secret places found in the back of the closet, he looks all sad and forlorn and says "Bummer…there is no god!"

I can appreciate a dude with such a whimsical view of a higher and All-Powerful Being.  This Being is the magical dispenser of socks!  Makes sense to me!!!!!

Well recently, with all of the holiday fan fare….this All-Powerful Being was NOT doing its job…because sadly there have been no clean socks…or underwear for that matter. 

I looked at my fella:  "What are we to do?"

He looked at me:  "I don’t KNOW!!!!!!"

We pondered for a bit…and decided to look even farther back in the closet…where, yes folks, there were some hidden socks and one pair of underwear.

Woohoo!!!!!
Proof of a Higher Existence!!!!

This time of year has everyone asking:
"What are your New Years Resolutions?"

I over heard a conversation at Barnes and Nobles:
Woman One:  "What are your New Years Resolutions?"
Woman Two:  "Uh…I hate that question…I don’t have ANY!"
Woman One:  "Seriously?  Well, you need something.  Maybe you can start going to the gym!"

Since when did New Years resolutions become a "must have?" 

This conversation reminded me of when my boys were younger and someone would ask me: "What are you doing with your kids this summer?"  And this someone would proceed to tell me all of the gajillion activities that she had her kids signed up for.  I would usually mumble something about "going to the beach alot."  These sort of moms would look shocked and act like I was the worse mom ever.  I just wanted to spend the summer hangin’ out being free!

Okay…so that might be a different blog topic. 
Back to resolutions…

So, if you are someone who is feeling bad because you don’t have any New Years resolutions here is a different way to bring in some expansive energy to enjoy!

Here are a few questions to sit with:

"What do I find fascinating?"
"What peeks my curiosity?"
"What kind of books do I enjoy reading?"
"What kind of movies do I love to watch?
"What kind conversations do I find fascinating and fulfilling?"

When you enjoy that pulse of fascination, you are sitting near or on top of something that could be a passion.  If you can, stay in the NOW of this fascination…try not to glide over   it.  Allow the feelings of this fascination to flow over you and through you. 

Now, where lots of folks…me included… get into a bit of a cuffufle with this..is this compulsion to go into some sort of action.  Here is an example:  Say you have a fascination with yoga.  You love doing yoga and you love reading about it.  Lots of curiosity here.  Right away, your mind goes into:  "I know I will become a yoga instructor! This will be my New Years resolution…to become a yoga instructor!"  You spend some time in the excitement of this…but, you are unable to sustain the vision. 

How come?

Well, my lovely readers….you went into action too soon or this fascination/curiosity with yoga is something that you enjoy…JUST CUZ!!!!!  Your inner you isn’t desiring anything other than the enjoyment of doing yoga and learning about yoga.

Now…this next statement is going to blow your minds.
Ready?????

Why not allow yourself to enjoy these fascinations…these curiosities…JUST CUZ!!!!
Just cuz they are fun!
Just cuz it feels good to be fascinated in something!
Just cuz it feels good to be curious about something!

And when that friend asks you:
"So, what are your New Year’s resolutions?"
You can say:
"I am playing with all those parts of this world that I find fascinating…thanks for askin;"

Have a fascinating day!!!!!!