Good morning gorgeous readers!

Recently, I received my first ever, astrological reading.  I had never been able to have one before because I didn’t know my time of birth.  Out of the blue, my mom sent me my birth certificate…and TA DA…there it was!  Time of birth.  (I am adopted so these sorts of details tend to mean something to me…like "Oh, Wow!  I really do exist!"  or "Look at that…something about my birth!") 

It is a strange thing to not know my history.  I have been looking for it for a long time…now, I just sort of make it up:)  Always a fun thing to do:)

Anyway, back to the astrological reading…

I had asked to look at three areas of my life and we focused mainly on one.  My health! 
I must say that I was sorta nervous about this whole thing.  I was secretly afraid that the astrologer would see some sort of proof that I had done something wrong in a past life and this health issue was my punishment. 

Where the hell did I get that sort of thinking?  Since I LOVE to blame the nuns and priests that were my prison guards when I went to Catholic school for a million years…the fault must lie there!  Its gotta…I mean come on!!!!!!! 

As the astrologer looked at my planets and such…turns out that I am not being punished for some horrible sin after all!  Some planet landed on top of some other planet which caused something…the result… a health issue.  Ta Da!!!!!  All neat and tidy!  She was able to "see" when it came back and what years it was really bad (this was very accurate) and best news of all….it is gonna take a hike come 2009. 

Well, actually…when I heard that, I almost started crying.  2009?  I have to live like this until 2009?  Now way!  I can’t do it!  Where is that damned bridge to jump off of when ya need it!!!!?????

As I sat with this information for a bit…it felt softer and more interesting.  I do think that I have a say in everything…so, maybe…just maybe…I can get this little sucker to take a hike even sooner!  The other aspect that was soothing was that all of a sudden I felt a deep sense of relief that I wasn’t to blame.  I didn’t DO anything wrong! It was the alignment of the stars that fucked me up!  I could blame the stars instead of myself!  Wow!  That feels better.

Now remember…the feeling of "blame" is moving up the emotional scale.  Blame certainly feels better than despair!  Way better!  But, self blame…yikes!  That will head ya back down into despair pretty damned fast.  So, I went from secretly blaming myself to blaming the stars!

I have worked with hundreds of folks over the years on issues concerning the body. Whether the focus is on weight or eating disorders of illness of some form,  it seems that there is a common thread with this tendency for humans to land in self blame. 

"What did I DO to cause this?"

This is a tricky place to land.  On the one hand…if you can figure out what "you did" to cause the problem…you can stop doing that!  On the other hand this line of thinking can really turn on ya…because most times, its isn’t about something you did or didn’t do…it isn’t about the thoughts you thought or didn’t think…it isn’t about the feelings you felt or didn’t feel.  These issues just aren’t that straight forward. 

The bottom line is that where ever you stand with your body…be aware of what you are telling yourself…be aware of your story line.  From there you can move into new thoughts.  If you are stuck in self blame…blame someone or something else.  Blame the stars and the moon…blame the nuns and the priests…blame the doctors. 

When you notice that you are feeling abit lighter…

move from blame into thoughts that feel like worry…

from there move to thoughts that inspire disappointment…

if you feel like moving past disappointment..think thoughts that inspire frustration. 

Now that you are in frustration…notice the journey that you just took.  You moved from self blame all the way up to frustration.  Doesn’t that feel better? 

Ah…the life giving breath of frustration!!!

If you want to move out of frustration…go ahead and reach for the next best feeling thought.  Maybe its a thought that elicits boredom.  Boredom of the whole damned thing! 

Now you are on your way to feeling better and better.

The trick to all of this is NOTICE what you are feeling.  NOTICE what you are telling yourself.  From there you can take action and move on up the emotional scale.  Take it easy though…if you start feeling icky again…you tried to move to fast and far. 

Whatever you decide….if you are in any state of self blame…get the hell out as fast as ya can.  Cuz all of that is just gonna bring ya down!

So, here are some questions to pose to yourself:

• What do I tend to blame myself for?
• When am I vulnerable to self blame?
• Whose voice is this?

Once you have your bearings a bit…reach for the next best feeling thought~

No matter what you do…be as kind to yourself as possible!

Peace~

Hi there everyone.  It has been a couple of weeks since I felt inspired to write.  I had a bit of a wrestle with this health blip of mine and the pain sucked out all the inspiration from my system! 

But, I am feeling better now and interestingly enough…as soon as the searing pain went away…I started to have these funny things…I think they are called "thoughts"…anyway, they started showing up in my brain.  Yay!!!!!

So, now I can actually string thoughts together and make sentences!  Ah, miracles DO happen every day!!!!!!!!!

Now, on to the tarot card choice for this week.  This card has been chosen from Doreen Virtues:
Goddess Guidance Oracle Card.

BAST
Independent

"Your independence is a foundation for your strength and success."

Message from Bast:  "Like the cat, you’re fiercely independent, yet you also need affection and playful companions.  Now is the time to balance your social interactions with solitude.  While you may ask others for their opinions, ultimately you must make your own decisions.  Your freedom and independence are top priorities, so ensure that these characteristics are nurtured."

Various Meanings of this Card:  Spend time alone * Give yourself permission to play * Ask for your needs to be met * Make your own decision * Work with cats * Pay attention to your pet feline and/or get a new cat

About Bast:  Rhymes with Mast:  The Egyptian goddess Bast transforms into a cat each night and protects her family and those who call upon her with her all-seeing night vision.  She exhibits the catlike traits of the feminine, which include gracefulness, independence, playfulness, and intuition.  Bast also works with cat lovers to help their feline companions.  The daughter of the sun god, Ra, Bast has the rare distinction of being both a moon and a sun goddess.

Interesting card indeedy!  I am soooooooo NOT a cat person…but, I am fiercely independent.  I like dogs:)  Ah, well…whaddya gonna do! 

Here are some questions to ponder:

• What would support more freedom for you this week?

• In what ways is your natural independence wanting more of a say in your day to day?

• Since we are all born to play, some times we honor this…sometimes not…what ways can you tap into this playful energy on a day to day basis?

Well, gotta fly…I am off to go paint some doodles with my new paint brushes. 

Ta Ta for now!

Hello there fabulous people!

Hope you are all doing well…or on your way to feeling a bit better!

We enjoyed a gorgeous weekend here in Northern Colorado.  Perfect weather…blue skies and cool temperatures with a nice breeze!  There are some new visitors to my bird feeders.  Not sure who they are…gotta look em up in my bird book. 

We also have a new…bigger visitor.  Not sure what it is.  But, it is big enough to knock over one of my larger, metal bird feeders and break it.  Maybe its a large raccoon named Vinny…or something.  Only comes out at night!  Sneaky, big fella!

Well, time for me to Rune your week!

This weeks Rune:

Raido

JOURNEY * COMMUNICATION * UNION * REUNION

Inner worth mounts here, and at such a time you are not intended to rely entirely upon your own power. Instead, ask what constitutes right action.  Ask through prayer or mediation, through addressing the Witness Self, the Teacher Within.  Once you are clear, you can neutralize your refusal to let right action flow through you.  Not intent on movement, be content to wait; while you wait, keep on removing resistances.  As the obstructions give way, all remorse arising from trying to make things happen disappears.

The journey is toward self-healing, self-change and union.  You are concerned here with nothing less than unobstructed, perfect union.  But the union of Heaven and Earth cannot be forced.  Regulate any excesses in your life.  Material advantages must not weight heavily on the journey of the self towed the Self.  Stand apart even from like-minded others;  the notion of strength in numbers does not apply at such a time, for this part of the journey–the soul’s journey–cannot be shared.

Another of the Cycle Runes, Raido carries within its form the Rune of Joy, for now the end is in sight.  You are no longer burdened by what you’ve left behind.  Heaven above you and Earth below you unite within you to support you on your way."

Many of the journeys that we take with the Self are solo journeys.  These are not journeys that can be shared with others.  It seems that the act of trying to share these mysteries with someone else, lose something in translation. 

It is an amazing thing to witness the Self alone and have that witnessing be fulfilling.

It is amazing to have moments when Heaven and Earth blend within ourselves…when there is no separation.  To feel the flow of source and how this feels as it connects with the human self are the moments that can feel full of magic. 

So, fabulous readers…

What is uniting "from above and below" within you?

What internal conflicts within you, those places that have two sides, two elements, are ready to communicate and create a union of thought that will bring you more peace?

Can you feel the soft breeze of Joy hangin’ out underneath all of this?

Ain’t it grand?
Love it…love it….love it!!!!!

Please feel free to share your thoughts:)  Comments are so appreciated!

Oh…and on a totally different note…"Desperate Housewives" season premier is on in just a little bit!  Yay! 

Hey there lovely readers!

I was in the shower this morning…which is where I get lots of my blog ideas (sorry for the visual). Anyhoo, I started thinking about my brain. And how sometimes it feels as though my brain is full. Its like it is filled with empty carbs. Its like I ate a loaf of french bread…but instead of french bread…I ate a bunch of thoughts.

Not just any thoughts…

…but, WORRIED thoughts.

Worried thoughts are like empty carbs of the mind.
Oh, maybe that would be a good bumper sticker! Hmmmmmm I will think about that later:)

When my brain fills up with worried thoughts, it can seem that I am busy doing something of importance. My brain is busy worrying if my son is eating well living on his own (probably not!) or if my other son is locking his apartment at night. Both worries…if stayed with long enough (a few minutes or less) will ultimately end in their deaths. Ethan will die because he is not eating healthy food and Corey will die because someone is going to go into his apartment and stab him. I know it! I just know it!

Or rather, that worried mind knows it. It can build a case for the most horrible of circumstances. And I am left feeling exhausted and stressed out. For what? I am left feeling as though I have had no mental nutrition. My mind feels full and thrashed…and so do I!

So, what is worrying all about anyway?

Are we born worriers?
Are we taught to be worriers?
Is it in our cellular structure?

Yes, Yes and Yes!

Worrying is part of a complicated inner defense strategy. It goes something like this:
Oh no! ____________ is freaking me out. What if ____________ happens and that will cause ______________ to happen and then ___________ will happen and then we will all die!!!!!!

We worry that something that isn’t happening, might happen and if that none existent thing that might happen happens…then something really bad will happen. And if that really bad non existent thing happens then someone will die….(fill in whatever the end result is that you worry will happen if this non existent thing happens).

Wow…that was a mouth full!

I have never met a human that doesn’t worry about something. Now some folks have worrying down to an art form whereas other folks just dabble in it once in awhile. I used to be the former…but, now I am more of a dabbler. Hmmmmmm I might be lying about that. Not sure. If I think about this long enough I am sure I can lead the possibility of my lying all the way to someone dying….yes, I am that good at this !

Anyway, worrying is a mind numbing waste of time.

I remember years ago, I worried about my boys eating sugar or watching certain cartoons…or whatever I could come up with. Now, I look back on all of those worries and just have to laugh. The worries are still there but now they are bigger and more grand.

Will the next girl break their hearts? Or will they be the ones to break someone else’s heart? Will they be safe with sex? Will they find their passions? Who will they find love with? What if they are afraid to make mistakes? What if I didn’t teach them well enough that there are NO mistakes? What if I didn’t do a good enough job? What if they don’t clean their bathrooms? What if they aren’t eating healthy? What if they don’t lock their doors at night?

The list can go on and on if I let it. All worries can go on and on if we let them. That is the thing about worry…its like a mental virus that expands quickly and takes over any healthy thriving thoughts that might have been hangin’ out.

What I know personally about worry is that even if some worries come true, we figure out how to handle things. We can always figure out a way. Wellbeing always is there if we want to find it.

When we move past the period of worry and we have some time to tap into the more broader perspective, we can see that there was no need to worry. That all was well, even if it wasn’t. The things that I worried about as a young adult, are gone. I see from my broader perspective that all was just fine. I remember worrying about money alot when I was in my early 20’s. I had two sons, I was a student and a single parent by the age of 25. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills, or buy shoes when the boys needed them…or whatever. The amazing thing was that things always had a way of working out.

Now at 45 years old…when I catch myself worrying I do what I can to shift the thinking. Because I know when I am 90 years old and looking back at my 40’s, I will think: "Ah, I wish that I hadn’t worried myself so…because non of it really matters. All is well even when its not!"

Hello there fabulous readers!
We are having lots of rain here today…I am loving it:)  We have also been having power outages all day long.  So, hopefully I can type this post up and the power will stay on. 

I wanted to share a funny story with you all concerning my kids and the rules that I had for them while they were growing up.  In our home we had three rules…which were posted prominently on the fridge.

1.  We don’t hurt ourselves

3.  We don’t hurt our environment

I was not very interested in imposing lots of rules on the boys…but, I also didn’t want them to turn into little monsters either. 

It’s a fine line indeed!!!! 

This set of rules seemed to cover most things that happened.  I didn’t need to run around saying "NO!" too often…I was more interested in saying "YES!" to what they wanted to explore.  With lots and lots of redirecting.

As the boys got a little older, it became apparent that I needed to add an addendum to the list.  The rule that I wanted to add didn’t quite fit into any on the list…but, I was able to stretch things enough to add it under #2:  "We don’t hurt each other." 

I was the parent after all and if I couldn’t manipulate the system…oops!!  I mean…(Cough) work the system to teach them how to be in the world in a thoughtful way…what good was the system?  I mean…come on!!!!!

The new rule was: 

No interrupting mom when she is on the phone unless there is:
a. blood
or
b. bones protruding from your skin…where there shouldn’t be any!

Now, because I was the parent and had already established some sort of authority over my free spirited sons, they took this and didn’t question it at all.  Well….at least they didn’t seem to question it!

One day, I was on the phone and Ethan (my oldest son) kept asking if I could make some brownies for a snack.  I looked at him with what I hoped was strong annoyance and frustration.
No blood or bone protrusions…I told him to read the rule list and stop interrupting me.  I would be off the phone in about 5 minutes and then we could talk.  He rolled his eyes and walked away. 

Next, Corey (my youngest son) came up and started asking if I could make some brownies for a snack…I repeated again (with more annoyance and frustration) that I was on the phone and to go read the rules and not interrupt me.  I told him I would be about 5 more minutes and then we could talk.

Soon, I realized that they had both headed out to play and was thinking that this rule thing was working really well.  I was actually feeling sorta smug about it.  I continued my phone conversation telling my friend how well the new addendum was working.  She was thinking about giving it a try because her kids were always interrupting her phone conversations too! 

This was turning out to be a great idea!!!!

ABout 10 minutes later…Corey came running into the house with Ethan on his heals.  They were both very upset with something…and Corey had what looked like blood all over him.  I hung up the phone and went running to the kitchen to see what had happened. 

"Mom, a mountain Lion attacked me!"  Corey said…in a very intense voice…with a bit of a grin
"It did mom…I saw it too!"  Ethan said…with a total grin

As I looked closer, I started to laugh.  Corey had smeared (with Ethan’s help) raspberries all over his arms and face so that it looked like blood. 

Charming!

"Well, all of this so I would get off the phone and make brownies?"  Said me

They both grinned and started to laugh!

"Guess we better wash you up Corey.  Let’s get the bowls out and make some brownies!"  I had to laugh…this was hilarious and incredibly creative!

We had so much fun that afternoon! 

I guess rules are OK up to a point and then ya just gotta go have some fun and make some brownies!

Hope you all had a fabulous weekend.

I had a lovely day on Saturday.  Went up to the mountains for a hike with a girlfriend of mine.  It was beautiful up there.  The aspens are just beginning to turn yellow…gorgeous!  We made friends with a little chipmunk.  This little friend hung out with us while we hung out by a small lake and talked about art.

Today was cloudy and cool.  I spent the day in pain, watching romantic comedies and avoiding talking to friends on the phone.  Ah contrast….don’tcha just love it?!

Okay…on to the Tarot Card for this week.  It is a good one!

This weeks card was chosen from The Housewives Tarot: A Domestic Divination Kit with Deck and Instruction Book~

SIX OF SWORDS
Revelations * Transition * Better Times Ahead

"After spending so much time and energy looking for a way out of your troubles, you’ve finally seen the light.  With a spark of insight, it looks like you can finally put your troubles behind you.  This is a transitory period in your life; you will be moving out of the darkness and into the sunshine.  It’s time to release all the pent-up anxiety and aggression and make way for happier times."

Love this! 

So, think of some ways that will allow you to release any remaining pent up anxiety.
How about some ways that can assist you in releasing that remaining aggression?  A good run?  A hard hike?  A long journaling session?  Painting a room?  Clearing the summer plants in your garden?  There are so many ways to do this.

Makin’ ways for happier times…not too shabby!!!!!

Have fun!
Talk to you tomorrow!