Since Monday’s post, I have had 5 different phone conversations with my mom.  I can’t tell if she remembers any of them.  During some of them she was seemingly lucid…others…not so much.

One of the aspects of dementia is that the person who is demented…(Can I say that?) becomes very good at compensating.  If mom doesn’t remember something or something confuses her she will start to mumble…change the subject…lie… or strike.   All are very effective…especially the strike.

Brilliant way to get everyone to back the hell off so that she can internally settle herself. (more…)

I had the strangest phone call yesterday…no more stranger than the one before that or the one before that.  Things have been slippin on these calls for a while.  And due to the complicated nature of this relationship…I have been confused about what to do.

I know that I need to go visit…but when?

Maybe it is not as bad as I am thinking.  She has always been a handful with a mean edge.

I want to do some writing about this.  But is that being disloyal?

Visiting…I do need to go out to visit.  In the fall.  Maybe we can all go out for Thanksgiving…she would like that.  I need to go out soon before this thing takes over!

Badly….Well, it is as bad as I have been thinking.  In fact, it is progressing alarmingly quickly.

Writing…I have decided to write about  this…tenderly and a wee bit gingerly.  She doesn’t read this blog…and if she did…hmmmmm…might not be good.   I am still unsure if this is being disloyal (I mean this is pretty intense dirty laundry!) . But, I think that writing about this could be cathartic for me…and possibly for those of you who are going through a similar experience. (more…)

Well, it’s time to take another break from watching the news.  I just can’t take it anymore.

If I see one more pelican covered in oil…

If I see Anderson Cooper in one more tight black t-shirt (though he does look cute as a button!)…

If I see one more sad story…

I will fall so deep into a pit of despair…

Well, not that deep.  I am too much of an optimist to go to far down.  But, I sure have been getting my toes wet. (more…)

I had a nice little meditation this morning…sitting on my comfy chair…outside in the sun.  It was one of those meditations where I became so quiet, that a butterfly landed on my leg and a goddess came down from above and shared some possibilities to a  question that I had been meditating on.  As I was receiving all of these super groovy gifts, I noticed that there was some internal drifting happening.

I was  surprised and excited that a swallowtail had landed on my leg…cuz that is super cool and groovy…and must mean something profound!  Right????

Another part of my mind was trying to document the fabulous words of wisdom being shared by this ethereal being…along with noticing what a cool gown the goddess babe was wearing.  Which lead me to wonder where she got that dress?  I loved the fabric!  I could make some awesome curtains for our bedroom with that fabric!!

And another part of me was noticing that the neighbors dogs had been barking for awhile prompting the human who lives there to come outside and start yelling at them to “shut the hell up!!!”  (more…)

It has always been a wee bit challenging for me to call a spade a spade.  Unless, of course if the spade wants to be a spade…then I am totally on board. But, if the spade wants to be a heart or a diamond or a club…I can completely go there.

There are several factors that have contributed to this little mind set of mine.  One  stems from the way I was raised.  Yep, blame it on childhood!!!  I lived in a home where a spade was NOT a spade but something else completely. And ya better not point out that it was really a spade cuz then you would be in deep doo-doo!

Another factor is that I am such an optimist/magical thinker/naive babe-a-roo.    I have always been this way.  If someone tells me that it is not a spade but a heart…I believe em. Not always….but often enough!  I just figure they know what they know and I am probably miss informed.  Or that maybe it is a spade and they see it as a heart and we can agree to disagree! (more…)

When I ordered my first  frappachino last year, l fell in love with the yummy tasty cup of delight…pretty much right off the bat. I realized that this could be a problem.  One cuz I rarely fall in love with a food or beverage in that way…and two because I rarely fall in love with a food or beverage in that way!

And because of the unusual-ness of this whole experience, I knew the potential for indulgence was great.

Why shouldn’t I have one of these yummy cups of cold, whipped coffee goodness every day?  I deserve it right?

So what if they cost a wad of cash for each one?

I could just order a small!

So what if they have a bajillion calories per small cup?

I don’t need to eat anything else!!!!

So what if it is totally politically incorrect to go to starbucks everyday?

I could do the drive thru and no one would know! (more…)